NY woman says mother of Hinge date allegedly called her a bad choice for a ‘self-respecting man.’ So, she tells her what her son did on the 5th date

A New York resident just encountered a strange chapter in her dating journey. Tova, who creates content under the handle Chef Tova, recently shared the “craziest DM” of her dating life on Instagram and TikTok. She claimed that the message wasn’t “from my hinge date, but from my hinge date’s mom.” Tova alleged that the message was a critique of Tova’s online presence and her suitability as a future mother. She also shared that she had a sassy response.

In her post, Tova read the messages for her audience and added screenshots of the same. As she read it, she beeped out the names of her date and his mother. She claimed the mother wrote: “Hi Tova, I know this might seem strange, but my son brought up dating you the last time he visited home, and when I looked at your profile, I was honestly appalled by the vulgarity of your content.” 

The mother purportedly then wrote, “I can’t control who my son dates, but I do know he wants to be a father one day, and I think your ability to be a role model to children will be a major deterrent, not just for (mans’s name), but for any self-respecting man looking to one day have a family, not speaking from a place of judgment, only as a concerned mother.”

Tova was quick to respond

She claimed to have responded with, “Hi (mother’s name), I could not be more thrilled to hear from you. Your son tried to have unprotected sex with me on our fifth date and ghosted me when I told him I don’t do that. And while I do appreciate your concern, I would like you to know that the reason I’m not surprise popping into your family Thanksgiving with your unplanned grandchild is because my mom raised me just fine. Can’t say the same for (man’s name).”

The internet has been having a field day with this reported interaction. One user noted, “These women need to know the type of “men” they raised.” Another added, “The red flags are genetic in that family.” One commenter gave their perspective of what they believed the mother’s intentions were. “‘I can’t control who my son dates’ but I can stalk and attempt to shame her away from him by overstepping bounds. Thus controlling who my son dates.”

Sometimes you meet people who insist on sharing their opinions of your life, or even imposing their views on you. Recently, Reddit criticised a mother who described a friendship between her son and his friend as predatory. When in that situation, Psychology Today suggests using “I” and “It” statements. Statements like “I’m happy with how I’m handling the matter.” They note that it can stop someone from feeling like they have an opening to debate your life choices. 

Tova didn’t use an “I” statement, but many people on TikTok were quick to praise Tova for her directness. One user commented, “I hope she sees this video and all the comments agreeing with you. Nobody’s child is a perfect angel, no matter how much our moms want to believe it.” 

Another follower wrote, “A most excellent clapback.” One person showed appreciation for what they thought was the source of her reply. “I love you and the self respect you have.” An Instagrammer added, “Also thank you on behalf of women.”

Tova’s experience seems to have hit a nerve. A woman who recently went on a date and had to allegedly pull words out of him was glad to be ghosted. However, for most people, being ghosted is frustrating. Then, there is the shock of a parent getting involved in your dating life. Tova’s story is a reminder that some boundaries are meant to be firm. 

As the Psychology Today piece notes, if someone continues to push their unwelcome opinion, sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply walk away and keep a healthy distance. In this case, Tova chose to call out perceived hypocrisy, which the internet loved. 

Tova’s caption on her post perfectly summarized the situation for her followers. “I think there’s a difference between “he wanted to be a father one day” and he was apathetic towards if he was a father that night.”