Man tells his Tinder date to obey his commands. Then she realizes she may have dodged something worse: ‘what the hell?’

A TikTok user who posts as Lettie said a man she met on Tinder told her she needed to follow his commands if she wanted a second date. She shared the video under the handle @girlcodelettie. The post had gained 175,700 views, 14,700 likes, and more than 1,100 comments. The caption on the TikTok video read, “Yes, you read that right….”

On-screen text in the video stated, “A guy from tinder told me I had to OBEY HIS COMMANDS if I wanted a second date with him.” Lettie appeared with dark hair, a white lace-trimmed top, and a gold necklace. She held a green phone with a picture of a man on the back as she prepared to read the message she said he sent.

She first addressed possible replies, saying, “before some brain-dead man says in my comment section, oh, he’s just setting his boundaries, these are not boundaries.” She then read the text she said arrived after their first date.

Lettie read the Tinder match’s rules on drinking, apps, passwords and nights out

The message, as she read it aloud, opened: “I thought we had a good time yesterday and I’d like to see you again, but before we do, I want to make sure we’re on the same page. I have certain expectations when I’m dating women and I don’t think they’re unreasonable.”

He wrote, “I don’t want you drinking too much. When you ordered another glass of wine yesterday, I was actually considering whether I wanted to see you again. I prefer a woman who knows when enough is enough.”

The text continued, “I also expect you to delete your dating apps if we’re going to go on another date. I don’t want you continuing to speak to other guys while you’re dating me. If you’re interested in me, there shouldn’t be a need for you to keep your options open.” He added, “I’ll need your phone password so I can check that you deleted them. I’m not going to give you mine because I don’t think you have any reason to be going through my phone. I’m not the one who needs to prove I’m trustworthy.”

He also stated, “I also don’t want you having guys you’ve met through dating apps on your social media. If you’ve dated them, there’s obviously a reason you you were attracted to them in the first place, and I’m not interested in you keeping those options around.”

On plans with friends, he wrote, “And I’m not a fan of girls’ night when you’re in a relationship. I’m not going to tell you that you’re not allowed to go, but I’ll make my own decision about whether I want to date a woman who thinks going out without her partner every weekend is important.” Such controlling behavior can escalate quickly, as when a woman told her date she isn’t ready to sleep with him and he sent a shocking ultimatum.

He closed the message with, “I’m not asking you to do anything I wouldn’t expect from someone I’m seriously dating. If you’re happy with those rules, I’ll pick you up at 7 on Friday. If not, that’s completely fine too. I’m not going to convince you to meet my standards. I don’t chase, I choose. So will I see you on Friday?”

Lettie then pointed to what she called the irony. She said, “the ironic thing about all of this was that he was like, oh well, you know, you shouldn’t be having people you’ve dated or people you find attractive on your social media.” She said that when she told her friends, “they were like, what the hell?” She added that “the girls basically found out that he was a massive hypocrite because that’s exactly what he did.”

Viewers left comments under the video. One person wrote, “I swear they have a rejection fetish.” Another commenter wrote, “He is trying to sound mature, but those rules makes him sounds insecure as hell lol.” Someone else wrote, “That is not a red flag, that’s a red f–king carpet.”

Other comments included, “it’s nice when they wave those big red flags early,” and “At least he showed all his red flags before the relationship started and you can just laugh at him and disappear.” One viewer wrote, “whats worse is he wrote that thinking it was reasonable.” Another asked, “Can you report him to the apps? He’s a future ab-ser.” This kind of controlling behavior isn’t unique, as seen when a woman declared a man painfully average after he sent her a set of rules for their first Tinder date.