Happy Halloween, folks! Up here in Wisconsin, where my spooky keester is located, it’s currently looking more like a winter wonderland than a haunted house, which sucks. But my day got a lot spookier when I saw that Jamie Lee Curtis dropped a new Halloween Kills teaser on Twitter.
Due to my nerdiness, I went through it slowly, almost frame-by-frame, and boy, there’s a lot going on in this. Jamie Lee didn’t hand out a small Twix this year; she gave us a King-sized Snickers, packed with peanuts, nougat and possible spoilers concerning one Michael Audrey Myers’ improbable survival.
There’s a huge hint as to how Michael survived the trap at the end of Halloween as we catch a glimpse of him at around the :15 mark of this new teaser, standing triumphantly on the burning porch of Laurie’s now-former home, holding some kinda tool or weapon. Looks like maybe a sledgehammer or heavy lead pipe?
Whatever it is, the unstoppable force that is the Shape would have no problem bashing his way out of a burning basement with it. He appears otherwise undamaged, too. Did Laurie truly believe she could trap Michael? Her plan, obviously, did not work. That’s what you get for last-minute reshoots!
That’s the lead here, but honestly, this teaser gives us such a good taste as to the direction of the movie. I did put out the feeling that, when it was announced they’d be going back to Haddonfield Memorial Hospital, that this Hallo-sequel would almost literally be following the set-up and time frame of 1981’s Halloween II, which was an immediate sequel to the original 1978 film.
Halloween Kills seems to be going a similar route, which is to say continuing the Halloween murder spree that 2018 Michael is currently engaged in, and will most likely chase Laurie down to HMH once again. Will he finally succeed in ending her? Will he get blow’d up again? Time will tell.
We also got our first look at Anthony Michael Hall as Tommy Doyle, brandishing a baseball bat while looking an odd mix of scared and angry. This confirms my saddest fact: Paul Rudd won’t be making an 11th-hour swap, unfortunately. Good for The Breakfast Club nerd, though!
I’m going to assume all-grown-up Lindsey Wallace is gonna die though, since I can’t imagine a Real Housewife has any real acting talent. We can also confirm that Judy Greer’s Karen (Laurie’s daughter) is going to be at the police station, and that, at some point, Allyson (Laurie’s granddaughter) is going to brandish a shotgun with some amount of proficiency. Thanks, Gun Gramma Laurie!
All of that doesn’t matter though if Michael is an unstoppable killing machine. If all the Shape needs is a little pipe to get out of steel trap built specifically to contain his boundless, silent rage, then will any amount of gun-toting teens count for anything? He’s literally immortal. Maybe being fingerless will help out Laurie & co. come October 16th of next year, when Halloween Kills is sure to kill at the box office? We’ll have to wait and see.
