Between the success of One Direction and his struggling solo career, Liam Payne ‘just wanted to be loved’

It’s been a few months now since the news of Liam Payne’s death broke, and honestly, it still doesn’t feel real. You hear about celebrity deaths all the time, and while they’re always sad, some just hit differently.

Liam was a part of something that defined an entire era of pop culture. He was someone a lot of us grew up with, someone whose highs and lows we followed like they were our own. And now that he’s gone, it feels like we’re not just mourning the man himself, but also the dreams, struggles, and complexities he carried with him.

The One Direction singer was thrust into superstardom before he even got a chance to figure out who he was. He joined the band as a teenager, and from the outside, it looked like he was living the dream. Millions of fans, sold-out stadiums, chart-topping hits — what more could anyone want? But, as we’ve come to learn, fame isn’t exactly a cure-all. In fact, for Liam, it seemed to be the opposite. When you look at his life, the throughline is pretty simple. Liam just wanted to be loved. And maybe that’s true for all of us, but for Liam, it seemed like a constant, painful need.

Growing up, he faced a lot of challenges that shaped him. He was born with a kidney condition that left him in and out of hospitals for much of his childhood, which by all accounts strained his relationship with his family. Being sick so often meant he missed out on a lot of the normal, grounding experiences kids rely on to figure out who they are.  Then, as a teenager, he found himself on The X Factor, where fate threw him into the whirlwind that was One Direction.

Liam himself talked about how all-consuming One Direction was. He didn’t have time to figure out who Liam Payne was because, for years, he was only ever “Liam from One Direction.”  He himself reflected on this during an interview with Rolling Stone, saying, “I had no personal life [in One Direction].” He recalled attending therapy during his time in the band and being asked what he enjoyed doing for fun. “I couldn’t answer him. I just sat there, completely blank, because I genuinely didn’t know anymore,” he admitted.

And when the band broke up, as all boy bands inevitably do, he was left in a free fall. Some of his bandmates seemed to find their footing — Harry Styles became a bona fide rock star, Niall Horan leaned into his singer-songwriter vibe, and Zayn Malik had long since carved his path as a solo artist. But Liam struggled. His debut solo single, “Strip That Down,” was a commercial success, but subsequent releases failed to make the same impact. 

According to the Rolling Stone, a source close to Payne’s former girlfriend, Maya Henry, spoke about how his childhood trauma and the pressures of fame shaped his adult life. “Liam was damaged prior to becoming famous and had childhood trauma, then was thrown into a brutal cutthroat industry that is notorious for destroying people,” the source said.

As his solo career faltered, Payne began to rely more heavily on drugs and alcohol. By 2017, his management team became so concerned that they reached out to addiction therapist Chip Somers to help him achieve sobriety. “We need you to go and see this guy. He’s pretty f***ed up,” Somers recalled being told at the time. Payne’s struggles with addiction, according to Somers, were deeply tied to his emotional  needs. “He was a delightful, sweet, lovely boy who, like many people with substance problems, just wanted to be loved,” Somers said.

It’s clear that what he really needed was time. Time to process, time to heal, time to grow. Liam’s passing is heartbreaking, but it’s also a reminder of how important it is to check in on the people we love, even the ones who seem like they have it all.