Who is King Charles’ violently homophobic and incredibly racist criminal fugitive cousin?

If you’re born into an aristocratic family you’re living life on Easy Mode. Even the dimmest failsons and faildaughters can be safely parachuted into a do-nothing position, where they can be cosseted until an early retirement funded by the family fortune. But even when you’re dealt this winning hand, you can still very much screw it up.

Enter Rowan Nash Lascelles, King Charles‘ 46-year-old second cousin who’s 68th in line to the British throne. Despite being born with a silver spoon wedged inside his mouth Lascelles is now a fugitive from the law after a series of truly bizarre violent, racist, and homophobic incidents.

So, what’s this guy’s rap sheet?

How to get banned from McDonald’s

Lascelles has a long history of erratic behavior, but things came to a head last year. In February 2023 he appeared at the WH Smith newsagents in Victoria station where he took offence at the race and religion of a man working there and began harassing him. We don’t know what he said, but as he was previously banned by a supermarket for telling staff to “go back to where you come from” it’s probably along those lines.

Later that year in August he attacked two women in Victoria train station. A month later he strolled into a London McDonalds and began yelling at two men he presumed were gay. According to court papers, he began yelling “batty boy”, and insisting “I bet you love it up the a***e”.

Not content with a heaping helping of homophobia, the aristocrat then tried his hand at racism. He walked up to the counter and began screaming the N-word into the kitchen. When confronted by a Black customer, Lascelles insisted he be allowed to continue, saying “go on let me say it one more time”. The police were called, Lascelles was arrested and later convicted of racially aggravated harassment and threatening behavior to cause harassment alarm or distress.

“I’m going to get a knife and stab you in the face”

Things didn’t improve from there. Later in September Lascelles arrived at homeless charity St. Mungo’s Westminster offices in a furious mood. He began jamming on the intercom and kicking the door. Charity worker Claire Hopkins told the court:

 “I could hear he was shouting but couldn’t hear what he was saying initially. One staff member was outside trying to get in so we made the decision to go outside and support her to come into building. When she came in Rowan placed his foot and shoulder against the door to prevent me from closing it and that’s when he started shouting again. He was shouting about a colleague of mine called Maria and making quite specific threats to Maria that he wanted to smash her head in.”

He then told Hopkins, “I’m going to get a knife and stab you in the face”. The door was forced closed, but Lascelles smashed the windows and then escaped before police arrived:

“I was scared, we have metal bars on the side of our windows so I was really grateful for that as it meant he couldn’t have come in.”

Lascelles didn’t turn up for his latest trial at Willesden Magistrates’ Court on Mar. 20 2024 and was convicted in his absence. An arrest warrant has been issued and, as far as we’re aware, he remains loose in London and is clearly very dangerous.

But why?

There’s no single explanation for how far this aristocrat has sunk, but it’s said he has a history of drug abuse and was addicted to the synthetic cannabinoid Spice. Royal observers have attributed his behavior to what’s described as a “feral” childhood in an off-grid hippie commune. Businessman Julian Rolt remembered the commune: “They were very gentle hippies, blue-blooded types — but the place was a bit of a mess.”

Rowan’s downward spiral appears to have begun in the mid-2000s after a chaotic trip to Cambodia. this ended with conflicts with Cambodian police and his passport being confiscated, before being returned to London. He then began sleeping rough, with attempts to place him in housing always ending with eviction after “unreasonable behavior”.

George Bossman, Westminster’s rough sleeping coordinator, said:

“When he doesn’t like something, he gets extremely angry and abuses people. … There have been frightening, aggressive outbursts and racist behavior, and he has been engaging in the illicit use of substances.”

Perhaps this should underline why a hereditary monarchy is not necessarily a great idea. I mean, it’s vanishingly unlikely that the 67 people before Rowan in the line of succession would suddenly drop dead and the United Kingdom would awaken to find we have this violent criminal on the throne – but it’s not impossible.