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10 Hilariously Inaccurate Historical Epics

For reasons unbeknownst to most logical human beings, moviegoers will soon be "treated" to Pompeii, a historical epic from Paul W.S. Anderson, the man who delivered such modern masterpieces as Resident Evil and The Three Musketeers. For fans of Kit Harington's chiseled abs, the film may prove to be well-worth shelling out a extra few dollars for 3D, but for the rest of us, Pompeii will likely hold little more than a few eye-catching explosions and a heaping of laughable moments instantly questionable by any of us who can point Italy out on a map. Even die-hard Anderson fans may be turned off once they realize that Milla Jovovich is nowhere to be found and, even if she was, it would be really, really hard for her to punch, kick and shoot her way through millions of tons of volcanic ash.

3) 10,000 B.C.

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I should know better than to look for holes in Roland Emmerich blockbusters, but even by his standards, this one’s a doozy.

Woolly mammoths living happily (well, as happy as abused beasts of burden can be) in the hot desert, building pyramids that wouldn’t have existed until 8,000 years after the film’s setting? I’ll let that sink in for a moment. Putting aside the fact that woolly mammoths would have overheated very quickly in the desert sun, the creatures were certainly on the verge of extinction, not flourishing, around the time that the Egyptians would have begun construction of the pyramids (which they did in around 2,500 B.C.). 10,000 B.C. is filled with other, equally ridiculous anachronisms and inaccuracies.

Saber-toothed tigers hunt protagonist D’Leh (Stephen Strait), defying logic which dictates that they died out shortly after the last Ice Age. The same goes for those freaky bird creatures D’Leh encounters in the jungle. Called terror birds, they died out long before 10,000 B.C rolled around. In Emmerich’s movie, there’s more wrong than right in the film’s setting. From oversized creatures to the out-of-place quasi-Egyptian civilization to languages so ridiculous that any linguist could lose their lunch over them, 10,000 B.C. would be more accurately called 10,000 B.S.

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