‘Knocking the teeth out of his mouth’: Someone asked which famous rodent would win in a brutal street fight and the answers are downright treacherous

That’s right folks, it’s that time of year once again. The internet has returned to pitting Stuart Little‘s eponymous, turtleneck-wearing mouse against Pixar’s resident rodent superstar Remy, of Ratatouille fame.

This, of course, is just another way of saying that the internet has divulged their long-determined, universal consensus on the outcome of a street fight between this pair of animated pipsqueaks. 10 times out of 10, Remy bodies Stuart with the exact dearth of effort that such an encounter would require.

And honestly, this is all just basic gamification, and it’s right there in the question; a street fight, as though Remy doesn’t come from the hard-knock sidewalks and sewers of Paris. Stuart, meanwhile, lives a very comfortable bourgeois life that has not just dampened his killer instinct, but destroyed it entirely.

Moreover, consider the fact that a family of humans chose to adopt Stuart instead of a human children, and that Stuart was all too happy to fill that adoptee space. Without a doubt, Stuart’s power lies in his manipulative personality; a trait that has no doubt only made him more punchable as his privilege has increased, but also one that’s absolutely useless in the face of a hard-boiled rat who wants to beat the snot out of you.

In fact, let’s take this a step further and compare their claims to fame. Stuart may come from a franchise, but franchises lost true public respect a long time ago, and it also won’t do him much good that none of the films or television shows are in any way noteworthy.

By contrast, Ratatouille is an enormous fish in the enormous pond that is Pixar. Gorgeous animation, a stellar voice cast, a triumphant emotional heart, and an Academy Award-nominated screenplay are but four cogs in the superior work of art that Remy calls home.

And let’s assume that prep time and weapons get to come into the mix as well. It may be true that Stuart could bring his car or plane to try and get the better of Remy, but that would also mean that Remy gets to bring Linguini to the fight, since he totally counts as a mecha rather than a tag-team partner.

So there you have it, folks; Remy won against Stuart the last upteen times the debate has been brought up, and Remy still wins now. What we really need is for Nemo to pick a fight with Free Willy; now that’s how you spice up Fictional Critter Fight Night.