Whatever Goes To Hell, Stays In Hell: The 13 Worst Horror Movies Of 2013

13) Texas Chainsaw 3D


Texas Chainsaw 3D should be thanking the other twelve films on this list, because when I did my mid-year horror assessment, John Luessenhop’s poorly plotted sequel was fighting amongst the worst of the worst. Fortunately for Leatherface, some absolutely horrid stinkers reared their ugly heads in the months to follow, but that doesn’t mean this sad excuse of a franchise entry escaped bottom of the barrel honors completely. If you’re talking the worst of the worst horror films from this past year, there’s no leaving out this egotistical, insufferable, unnecessary reboot.

Some people claim that if Texas Chainsaw 3D was released in the 80s, fans would absolutely love it. Here’s a movie that picks up where Tobe Hooper’s leaves off (more or less), re-writing the history of Leatherface. All those other sequels and cast members can be forgotten, because according to Luessenhop, his sequel is the only film that matters. Yeah, fat chance, and you can rest assured whether it be 1985 or 2020, I’m still going to have the same qualms about such a misguided film.

Leatherface is absolutely deconstructed this time around, and what’s left is a shell of the most iconic mask-wearing slasher of all time. Granted, he’s nothing but a scared, simple man throughout every film, but Luessenhop’s film sympathizes entirely too much with the beast. There are enough plot holes to fill another feature film with explanations, we’re given a killer that’s more like a lap dog, potential is wasted around every turn (NO CARNIVAL KILLS?!), and not even budding scream queen Alexandra Daddario can save this rotting slab of meaty misery.

I go into much more detail in my theatrical review of the film, which I obviously encourage you to read, but just understand there’s a reason why Texas Chainsaw 3D is kicking my list off. Well, actually, there are plenty of reasons, but we don’t have time to discuss them all here…