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The 10 best Professor McGonagall quotes, ranked

"Why is it always you three?"

Maggie Smith as Minerva McGonagall in Harry Potter
Image via Warner Bros.

Dame Maggie Smith will forever be remembered for her prolific career on stage and on screen, but one particular role sticks out among those listed on her impressive resume. It’s not an exaggeration when we say Smith excelled in any part she deemed worthy of her skill, but she fully embodied the character of Professor McGonagall in the Harry Potter films to the extent it’s impossible to separate the two.

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Smith’s legacy lives on in her iconic TV and film roles like that of our favorite Hogwarts professor Minerva McGonagall. Her portrayal of McGonagall is an example of the masterful acting that made her such a lauded entertainer among her peers. As the head of Gryffindor House and the Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts, McGonagall is a strict and no-nonsense educator who demands excellence from her pupils. Underneath that stern exterior, however, lies a kind and empathetic woman with a wicked sense of humor.

Giving life to some of the most iconic dialogues in the Harry Potter franchise, Smith was able to perfectly convey these seemingly opposing characteristics in a way that made the character both larger than life and grounded in reality.

10. “You look in excellent health to me, Potter, so you will excuse me if I don’t let you off homework today. I assure you that if you die, you need not hand it in.” 

McGonagall notices her class of third years aren’t in the best of moods and correctly guesses the cause: Professor Trelawney has once again predicted someone’s tragic death in the first Divination class of the year. When Harry complains about the amount of homework the third years are taking home, McGonagall sarcastically tells him he doesn’t need to hand it in if Trelawney’s prediction proves true. Nothing like a little sarcasm to lift a sour teen’s spirits.

9. “I will not have you in the course of a single evening besmirching that name by behaving like a babbling bumbling band of baboons!”

Like a true academic, McGonagall has a way with words. Case in point: When she takes it upon herself to educate all the fourth-year Gryffindor students how to properly carry themselves at the Yule Ball so that they don’t destroy all the goodwill the house has earned itself over the centuries. It’s a tough job but if someone’s up to the challenge, it’s her.

8. “Potter is a boy, not a piece of meat.” 

Say what you will about McGonagall but she cares for her students. When Dumbledore casually talks about Harry as though he were just a means to bring down Voldemort, McGonagall is horrified. She defends Harry and even though he doesn’t see it, it’s reassuring to know at least one teacher had his back at Hogwarts.

7. “His name is Voldemort. Filius, you might as well use it – he’s going to try to kill you either way.”

McGonagall shows why she’s Gryffindor’s head of house when she takes charge during the Battle of Hogwarts. Here, she reminds Mr. Flitwick that fear of the name increases fear of the thing itself. The battle will happen regardless so they might as well face Voldemort head on.

6. “Why don’t you confer with Mr. Finnigan? As I recall, he has a particular proclivity for pyrotechnics.”

A good teacher knows her students. After seven years of teaching Seamus Finnigan, McGonagall knows his wandwork can be explosive, often by accident. She reframes this as a strength in order to encourage him during what’s sure to be a difficult battle. 

5. “Perhaps it would be more useful if I were to transfigure yourself and Mr. Potter into a pocket watch?”

When Harry and Ron are late to Transfiguration class, McGonagall lets them know she won’t let this behavior slide. She’s not going to be accused of showing favoritism to Gryffindors, thank you very much.

4. “Five points will be awarded to each of you for sheer dumb luck.” 

Defeating a troll is impressive for even a full-grown wizard, so it’s safe to say McGonagall is shocked when three of her first years knock one out. Even though she deducts five points from Hermione for going after the troll by herself, she can’t help but reward the trio for surviving the encounter.

3. “They are supposed to be out of bed, you blithering idiot!”

Honestly, McGonagall has to be commended for putting up with Mr. Filch’s nonsense throughout the years. Her self-control, however impressive, can only go so far when he complains of rule-breaking while the faculty enlists the students’ help in the Battle of Hogwarts.

2. “I’ve always wanted to use that spell!” 

Even during Hogwarts’ darkest moment, McGonagall can’t contain her childlike glee over using a spell to bring the stone statues around the castle to life. We can all learn something from the professor taking time to appreciate the good during bad times. 

1. “Why is it when something happens, it’s always you three?”

We can’t fault McGonagall for venting her frustration when the main trio comes to her with yet another problem. Her exasperation comes from concern for her students but it’s still one of her funniest lines.

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