According to Dr. Michael Morbius in the Sony Spider-Man Universe film Morbius, vampire bats weigh almost nothing, yet they’re capable of downing a creature ten times larger than them, gesturing to the nearby cow skulls as he approaches a cave full of the pint-sized beasts. A cow, however, is absolutely, positively dwarfed by the ironic hubris of the Morbius fanbase and the relentless worship that they shovel upon the rest of the internet, so we imagine a vampire bat may have a bit more trouble taking this one down.
And it grows in power and reach day by day; one Morbius acolyte, LonelyGoomba, took to Twitter to express their regret that the film had not been released in the early 2000s age of movie tie-in video games, thereby keeping us from getting a poorly-developed PlayStation 2 action-adventure game that follows the plot just enough to connect the two pieces of content.
LonelyGoomba’s fantasy is something of an artistic paradox; movie tie-in video games rarely tried to hide the fact that they were capitalizing on the popularity of a film, and so the quality of such games was comparable to that of Morbius as we know it. However, given the poor quality of the film and the critically-adjacent sea of movie tie-in games, most of which are based on genuinely enjoyable films, what might a tie-in video game look like if it’s based on a film that’s already universally panned?
Then again, back in the early 2000s, the internet wasn’t the same meme hell spiral we know it for now, so perhaps Morbius and its legion of varyingly-ironic followers would have died off a bit quicker.
Morbius is currently available for purchase on Blu-ray.
