Testosterone Overload: Top Ten Films To Pump You Up

Testosterone courses through every male and female body and is responsible for increased levels of intensity and machismo. Some films out there are no different, reflecting the director's capability to establish such atmospheric emotions. Successful movies display steroid enhanced levels of the infectious feeling, reactively raising audience levels as well, while other failed attempts barely muster a timid whimper. Be it casting, writing, or visual delivery, nothing gets the blood flowing like a good old fashion testosterone blow out film. The Expendables knew a thing or two about testosterone influenced action, boasting one of the most star-studded action casts ever assembled. Teaming up the likes of Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren and Terry Crewes was an ensemble treat, but why stop there? Additions of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzeneggar completed Stallone's beefcake driven action movie. Fans wondered how it could possibly get better - and then it did. Jean-Claude Van Damme. Chuck Norris. Liam Hemsworth. Those names can all be seen joining Stallone's posse as he gears up the "Expendables" for another deadly mission on August 17th. So are you guys ready to celebrate the release of Sylvester Stallone's action extravaganza The Expendables 2? In honor of the film, let's all grab some beef jerky, crack open a cold one, and assume the pump up position - it's time to count down the top ten most testosterone ridden movies of all time. 10. The Warriors Nothing like a little gang warfare and brotherhood to get the juices flowing right? Walter Hill's 1979 brawler classic takes place in a time where street gangs rule New York City, making violence a part of everyday life. All that each gang has is trust and honor and nothing gets the testosterone levels amped like good old fashion bro love. The Warriors itself expands further upon simple turf warfare scuffles, as our main characters must fight against every other rival gang on their journey back to Coney Island, fleeing from false persecution. Could you imagine having to wrestle through countless hordes of colorful gang members with your closest friends, thrown into the heat of battle with no one but your "brothers" to count on? Psh - hell yeah we can, which makes The Warriors a fantastical scenario that is worth hours of drunken bar room discussion amongst buds. Playing more like a Streets of Rage button masher, The Warriors' comradery and bad boy lifestyle cements it as one of the great macho movies of all time. 9. Green Street Hooligans Keeping with The Warrior's theme, Green Street Hooligans mixes similar gang foolery with loyal sports fan extremism. Hello uber testosterone boost! Overseas, soccer - or REAL football for you Europeans - exists as more than just an entertaining past time. Over there, soccer is a way of life, incomparable to any sports culture in the US. Just as in war, soldiers (fans) pick factions (teams) and offer their undying support, so far as to defend their beloved generals (players) honor through violent gang warfare. The brotherhood and gangland fist fighting is one thing, but Green Street Hooligans cranks testosterone levels up to 11 by adding in the competitive nature of sports. In America, you'll typically only find short drunken brawls after some fan hears a rival call Sidney Crosby a pretty boy pansy who can't take a big boy hit, or something of that nature. In England, such a comment would literally start a war on a riot police level between supporters. After my first viewing of Green Street Hooligans, I was ready to jump on a plane and devote my life to being a soccer hooligan, jealous of the hard knuckled lifestyle. Drinking, fighting, competition, passion? Such a simple yet completely heart pounding lifestyle. Sure, director Lexi Alexander may have livened up the action for entertainment purposes, but I ate up every single minute of it. 8. Crank Jason Statham is the epitome of ass-kicking action hero for modern-day Hollywood, and Crank exists as his magnum opus. Sure, some critics panned Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor's film for being a mindless action romp with ludicrous scenarios and outrageous exploitation - but that's exactly how Crank earned the number eight spot on this list. From square one our reckless directors deliver an adrenaline pumping thrill ride built with video game generation influences, birthing an action hero in Chev Chelios, who is more legend than man. The entire plot is based on a testosterone jolt equateable to wiring a car battery to your nutsack (or whatever that equivalent would be for you ladies), as Chev will die if his adrenaline levels drop below a certain point. There's literally no stopping for Chev as we watch him pull every excitement inducing trick imaginable. Sex, Drugs, and Rock n' Roll baby! Who thought those sins could also be life savers? 7. Scarface Sans a grizzly ending, how could one resist the temptation of emulating Tony Montana's grandiose lifestyle? Scarface's testosterone appeal comes not in rage fueled physical fighting, but the mammoth size of one man's brass balls. Like so many before him, Tony Montana wanted nothing more than to embrace the newfound freedoms and opportunities that America so proudly advertised. It was a fresh start, a new life, and a real chance for the Cuban immigrant to make a name for himself. Full of ambition and drive, Tony adopts a simple yet strong personal mantra for success: the world is yours. Montana takes everything he wants - women, business, friends, even lives. The man is his own personal god, idolized by minions and feared by competition. Tony Montana represents the unrelenting confidence every man or woman wishes to embody, but also keeps in check the dangers such power can invite. Live bold, fight your hardest, never back down, and go out on your own terms. You only live once, right? 6. 300 Leaving Zack Snyder's oiled up Spartan war story 300 off this list would be blasphemous, as it's a film that emasculated male audience members everywhere. Combining themes of brotherhood and loyalty with hyper brutalized violence, Snyder utilized his hyper special effects driven visual stylings to increase already chart topping levels of testosterone. The 300 Spartans set to fight Xerxe's tremendous numbers were so skilled in battle they would laugh in the face of death, considering dying in action the most honorable end possible. There's nothing more badass than fearlessly charging into battle, knowing you're severely outnumbered and outmatched technologically, but still relishing the opportunity. Each Spartan soldier had only each other to depend on, becoming completely exposed if any one man let their guard down. Counting on blind trust and unwavering faith while stuck in deadly scenarios are intense enough emotions to raise anyone's testosterone levels, but Snyder's direction makes that fact impossible to ignore. That, and those abs. C'mon man, Gerard Butler and company just oozed dominating masculinity and warrior heroics. Women's testosterone levels may be flowing for a different reason during this viewing thanks to Butler and company though...if you catch my drift. 5. Bronson Right up front, I acknowledge that this is my most controversial pick, one that wouldn't necessarily be thought of in the same realm as these other choices. Already expecting a few comments to proclaim my lack of understanding in what director Nicolas Winding Refn set out to create, I'm sticking to my guns on this one. Get those typing fingers limbered up boys and girls, because here it goes. Bronson is a spectacular movie (which you should go see this instant if you haven't yet) about Britain's most famous criminal Michael Peterson, who later chooses the name Charles Bronson for his fighting career. Played by a much less well-known at the time yet extremely beefy Tom Hardy, all poor Michael ever wanted to do was make a name for himself. With no talents or specialties though, the violent boy eventually turns to a life of crime and is issued jail time after being arrested. It's here where Michael would soon discover his true love and salvation, fighting, granting him his much sought after popularity. Transforming into hell-raiser Charles Bronson, the famed prisoner punishes guards and criminals alike inside the walls and steel bars. His fights were a spectacle for onlookers, literally baiting guards into his cell for a challenge. Garnering that celebrity status he always dreamed of, our deranged main character always found himself finding a new fight, when he wasn't trapped in solitary confinement that is. Winding Refn does nothing to glorify violence and Charlie Bronson is not a man to be looked up to, but considering this list, you can't deny that Charlie Bronson is a no bullshit badass of epic proportions. I'm not sure how true to real life this cinematic decision was, but Bronson would literally strip down naked and grease himself up before instigating guard fights. Such an act brings out our most primal tendencies and can be viewed as nothing but animalistic brutality, really exposing Bronson's vicious core. Possessing a sick love for fighting, coupled with publicized fame and praise, Bronson would first destroy his opponents and humiliate them afterwards. In today's terminology, he's the ultimate "bro." While not showing Bronson's life in a totally positive light, Winding Refn did create some extremely memorable fight scenes which incorporate unique musical choices, surely getting the blood flowing for any action fans out there. Just because a film doesn't exist in the action genre itself, doesn't mean it shouldn't have a spot on this list. 4. The Raid: Redemption Director Gareth Evans has created a hands down insta-classic with his Indonesian action film The Raid: Redemption. Depicting the martial arts form known as Pencak Silat, fight coordinators/actors Iko Uwais and Yayan Ruhian orchestrate a jaw dropping symphony of brutality, choreographing sequences like I've never seen before. Sure, I've witnessed some heavily stylized martial arts films in my day, but none have ever got my heart pumping like The Raid: Redemption's unrelenting assault of action. As a small anecdote to prove my point, let me quickly outline a particular occurrence which seriously happened at my local screening. Honest! Showing at the closest AMC theater, only three groups of people showed up to see Evan's masterpiece on a late Tuesday night. There was my friend and I, a young couple sitting about ten rows in front of us diagonally to the left, and a group of drunk teenagers sitting back about ten rows from us again diagonally to the left. After about twenty minutes, the dude with his girlfriend is looking around, visibly irritated for reasons unknown to me. Then all of a sudden, in a moment of Hulkified rage, the macho alpha male jumped up and turned screaming "I SWEAR TO GOD THE NEXT F#CKING PIECE OF POPCORN TO HIT ME I'LL COME BACK THERE AND KICK THE EVER LOVING SH*T OUT OF ALL OF YOU!" In any other movie, I would have rolled my eyes and ignored the outburst, based on the obvious fact that his comment should have only been directed towards the group of kids ducking down in their row giggling incessantly. Instead, I felt my fist clutch and tempers flare, ready to roll off a witty comment towards the guy interrupting my cinema experience. How dare he! Good thing I snapped back into reality and was released from The Raid: Redemption's brainwashing, reminding myself that the jacked dude quadruple my size wearing a skin-tight UFC t-shirt would have cleaned the floor with my moppy hair. Plus he was in the right, and shouldn't have to deal with immature theater patrons who deserved said beating fully. Thankfully, the remainder played out with no more interruptions and a brutal crisis was averted, but for a brief moment of falsified courage, The Raid: Redemption's hypnotic testosterone inflated trance almost got me senselessly pummeled into oblivion. 3. Die Hard Screw A Christmas Story, any good action junkie would have Die Hard repeating for 24 straight hours on December 25th. Director John McTiernan changed the 80's action genre with the release of Die Hard, creating Bruce Willis' most memorable and butt-kicking character to date. What makes the whole ordeal such a rush stems from Die Hard's "one man versus the world" weight on character John McClane's back, as he wittily plays it off with humor and bloody fight sequences. Our fearless hero would have a clever quip even staring down the barrel of twenty guns pointed directly at his head, and would probably piss on one of them for good measure. Always tempting fate, McClane puts his life on the line while fighting a group of European terrorists not too keen on his expertise. Willis kicks ass and takes names, but more importantly for the adrenaline seekers in all of us is McClane's refusal to show any fear or weakness, enduring physical abuse and mounting pain while still eliminating enemies one by one. With Die Hard, John McClane established himself as the quintessential 80's action hero, with only one or two other actors giving Willis a run for his money. 2. Commando Any movie that starts with Arnold Schwarzenegger straight up carrying an entire log deserves a place on any testosterone movie list. Don't believe me? YouTube the trailer right now, that's all the evidence you'll need. Much like Die Hard, Commando defies all odds by pitting one expert soldier against an entire small army. Not just any soldier I may add, as the legendary Austrian body builder extraordinaire takes down poorly matched henchmen with his usual cocky flair. Counting every over the top 80's kill and each increasingly cheesy one-liner ("Let off some steam..."), Arnold's macho exploits define the term "manly man." Commando only amps up intensity, having Arnold betrayed by an old squad member named Bennett, adding a dramatic element to already overwhelming circumstances. You can't help but cheer on the one man army, using an awesome arsenal of weaponry to dole out sweet revenge one empty shell at a time. The 80's were a special time for action movies, finding that perfect balance of minimal story telling and maximum popcorn worthy action. Commando exists as a shining example of such. 1. Predator Predator exists as THE example of thrilling 80's action. Full of bulging biceps, future body building senators, famously quotable lines, alien on human fight scenes, and enough foliage destroying action to make a tree hugger's head explode, John McTiernan's second appearance on my list is also his best. Not only does our director meld sci-fi elements brilliantly into a mostly militaristic story, but he enlisted a super cast of bulging action heroes so big they barely fit on the same screen. Led by none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger, our soldiers first charge mightily into battle, fighting an entire base of rebel soldiers. Hilarious quotes are spoken, laughs are had while slaughtering foes and life is good for our devastating task force. Then the Predator shows up. Being an expert hunter from another planet, Arnie and his company are forced to fight a creature with technology light-years ahead of our lowly military. The Predator literally hunts some of the most impressive soldiers America has to offer for nothing but sh*ts and giggles, making humanity seem insignificant. When the odds get down to a "mano y mano" fight between a mud-covered Arnold and our alien hunter, the sheer scenario epicness overtakes your emotional capacity to a heart thumping level. McTiernan's perfect balance of tension and aggression sets the mood just right, if you feel like fighting extraterrestrial invaders that is. Easily my favorite action movie of all time, Predator deserves every single iota of recognition, sitting unmatched atop my list of adrenaline injected super movies.