Lauren ‘I grope people during musicals’ Boebert laments her inability to return to the theater

The Republican party is so overrun with incompetence that it can be hard for a single inept politician to stand out. When matched against the likes of Marjorie Taylor Greene and the impeccably imbecilic Donald Trump, it takes real effort to be seen, but Lauren Boebert somehow manages the task.

She’s far better at making headlines than policies, but good ol’ Laurie Bobes still does her best to masquerade as a real, functioning politician. Her best effort comes close to mimicking a functioning member of the GOP — particularly at a time when the GOP is primarily made up of sneering sycophants — but she’ll never manage to accomplish much of anything real in the world of politics.

Instead, Bobo will be remembered as a massive mistake on the part of Colorado voters, and one who wasted little time in establishing herself as the party’s newest embarrassment. On top of the cringe-worthy antics she displays on the floor of the House, Boebert manages to spread her shameful behavior to public spaces as well.

Take, for instance, the September 2023 incident in which Boebert had to be removed from a theater due to her grossly inappropriate public behavior. She and a male companion were forced to leave a performance of Beetlejuice after they caused a disturbance in the most teenager way possible. Theatergoers complained that Boebert and her companion were filming the performance (rude), vaping (unhealthy and rude), and groping each other with abandon (gross, inappropriate, unfathomable, and yes, rude).

That reputation for hugely inappropriate behavior, both as a Representative and a private citizen, has followed Boebert ever since, and it seems like she’s finally sick of the label. In a recent interview with KHOW’s Dan Caplis Show, Boebert complained about the smear that remains on her reputation and tried to twist it in her direction by calling herself an “open book.” Dear Lauren: It doesn’t count as being an open book when you are caught, thanks to security footage, doing things you initially denied doing. It’s just called getting exposed.

But sure, you can claim that you’re an open book. An open book who apparently “can’t even go to a theater” without it turning into a country-wide joke or people double-checking your pockets for a vape. That’s called the consequences of your actions, sweetie, and they sure took their time catching up to you. Now that they’re here, though, you can expect to be treated like every other human being in the United States of America, especially when hardworking actors are on stage doing their jobs while you blithely ignore yours.