Lauren ‘I turn districts blue’ Boebert poses election question and is immediately compared to a wandering hussy

The 2024 election between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris is right around the corner, and blood pressure numbers have never been higher. As the battle for president remains neck-in-neck, average Americans are double-fisting Pepto Bismol and a strong drink while desperately trying to find a silver lining in the hours before voting closes Nov 5.

It’s no secret that quite a few of our elected officials have been suffering from an excess of stupidity in the year of our lord 2024. Some of the useless grifters elected to office in 2020 have already found their way to an unceremonious exit (here’s looking at you, George Santos), but others are still clogging up the system worse than a toilet in an all-vegan household. One of those decidedly dedicated cockleburs is Colorado’s Lauren Boebert.

The gun-toting Republican first made a name for herself by owning a gun-positive restaurant and having a wholesome family of four with her high school sweetheart. But in the years since she took office, she’s all but discarded her family-oriented image. From vaping while getting frisky during a live Beetlejuice performance, to abandoning her teenage father-of-one-son to face the courts alone, Boebert has certainly a name for herself – the kind that had her constituents running the other way.

Taking to X.com in an attempt to rally the troops, the Coloradan asked her fellow Americans, “Have you voted yet? Are you ready to WIN?” Unfortunately for the mediocre Republican, the simple Tweet set her up for some serious roasting. Her replies were inundated with Democrats touting their support for Kamala Harris.

Commenters wrote variations of “3 days before you get the boot,” “I voted for VP Kamala Harris, our next president,” or “I voted blue down the ballot.” Dotted in amongst the trolls were a few Trump supporters, but there was a distinct lack of love for the woman of the hour – instead, there was plenty of prayer for a Boebert-less future.

See, Boebert first rose through the ranks by winning Colorado’s 3rd district, but she’s done little with her time in office. Rather than dedicate herself to winning back her electorate’s interest by focusing on issues that matter, when it was clear she couldn’t win her campaign to represent the 3rd district again, the carpet-bagging ninny turned her sights to the recently-vacated 4th. To make it amply clear how much easier it will be for Boebert to maintain her loose grasp on power, the 4th district is an R +13 area, meanwhile, the 3rd is only +7.

Every 20-30 years the two red areas shift from Republican to Democrat, usually after a remarkably bad run from a Republican representative – or as they like to phrase it, “leftist special interests and lies.” It appears as though one of those flips could happen in the 3rd district now that Boebert has trampled through. The congressional district shifted from “likely Republican” to “lean Republican” in the latest analyst poll, and we have to give Boebert the credit.

Despite being on the precipice of grappling with the consequences of our countrymen’s actions for four more years, the electorate has plenty reason to rejoice. After being held hostage by the lowest common denominators, Congress might finally be free of the repugnant grifters who shot to power riding Donald Trump’s coattails. The most exhausting, slimy, and bombastic members of the legislative process are desperately campaigning for reelection, but we have to hope they finally get taken out with the trash.