‘Commander, say hello to Cricket’: Kristi Noem threatens to kill Joe Biden’s dog, confirms she is an unhinged psychopath

If you were under the impression that political biographies were about visionary leadership and overcoming adversity, Kristi Noem is here to violently disabuse you of that notion.

Content Warning: Discussion of animal cruelty and disturbing behavior.

Noem’s upcoming biography, No Going Back (more like “No Going Back from Being a Monster”), is less a memoir and more an alarming confessional from what appears to be the darkest timeline of a politician who seems to revel in recounting her most disturbing actions. In those unapologetic pages, Noem proudly recounts the time she brutally shot her 14-month-old Wirehaired Pointer named Cricket.

Let that sink in for a moment. A puppy, barely out of infancy, was shot in cold blood by this despicable excuse for a human being, all because it showed a bit too much enthusiasm for its natural instincts. What’s next on Noem’s list of capital offenses, puppies who piddle on the carpet or chew on shoes? Given her demonstrated lack of empathy, it would not be surprising if Noem had already compiled an extensive watchlist of canine “criminals” just waiting for their day of reckoning.

And indeed, Noem has now set her sights on a new target –- the First Dog, Commander. In a recent appearance on Face the Nation, Noem tripled down on her mindless attempt to present herself as a tough leader by killing animals as she acknowledged that her despicable book contains the line, “Commander, meet Cricket,” as well as the threat that if she sets foot in the White House, Biden’s dog, Commander, would meet the same grisly fate as poor Cricket.

This is beyond the pale, even for a Republican politician. Commander’s alleged “crime” is nipping a few Secret Service agents – hardly an offense worthy of death, and something that could likely be resolved with proper training and supervision. But in Noem’s twisted worldview, any transgression, no matter how minor, is grounds for a summary execution.

Has Noem been taking cues from ATF agent/dog-killer extraordinaire from John Wick? Or perhaps she’s trying to one-up fellow Republican Mike Huckabee’s son, who once gleefully recounted hanging a dog as a Boy Scout.

You know, I’m starting to understand why Republicans are so vehemently opposed to any form of gun control. They’re not worried about their rights; they just want to make sure they have unfettered access to firearms when the urge to slaughter an innocent puppy strikes.

It’s becoming increasingly clear that Noem has some serious issues that include a disturbing and wonky mindset. In the same Face the Nation interview, when host Margaret Brennan asked about her claim in the book that she met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, Noem suddenly got cagey. Now I don’t know about that part, what she wanted to hide, but it’s almost as if she realized that casually name-dropping a brutal despot in the the memoir would boost her own thirst for blood. Margaret then pointed out the lines from her book:

I remember when I met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. I’m sure he underestimated me, having no clue about my experience staring down little tyrants (I’d been a children’s pastor, after all)

Kristi Noem, No Going Back

So, apparently, Noem views children as “little tyrants” to be “stared down.” This isn’t just unhinged — it’s downright psychopathic. Is it any wonder, then, that she views puppies as disposable objects to be shot on a whim?

I’m not sure what’s more disturbing – the fact that Noem seems to think puppy-killing is a point of pride, or that she believes tripling down on this deranged narrative will somehow boost her memoir sales and political clout. I mean, I’ve heard of politicians doing some crazy things to stay relevant, but “Puppy Killer” seems like a hell of a hill to die on.

If this is the best the Republican Party has to offer, then we’re all in serious trouble. 

Kristi Noem is a vile, heartless monster who has no business holding any public office. If you see Noem anywhere near a child or puppy again, do the right thing – tackle her to the ground and call animal control. God help us all if this unhinged psychopath ever gets anywhere near the White House. She belongs in a maximum-security prison cell, or perhaps a padded room with a straitjacket.