In quite possibly the most cut-and-dried case of a man who can dish it but not take it, Donald Trump is absolutely melting down in front of Canada’s retaliatory tariffs. The commander in chief took his social media platform, TruthSocial, to rail against the big ‘ol meanies to the North. And would you believe it? He appears to have completely forgotten that he started this tariff-off in the first place.
What started as what we can only assume to be a beyond-bonkers attempt at trolling our Canadian allies has quickly spiraled into an all-out war as our neighbors to the north batten down the hatches. Ontario Premier Doug Ford has been very clear in his messages to Trump, “If you push, we shove,” and now that it’s finally happened, the American president is as shaken as the average schoolyard bully.
The social media tirade kicked off Monday night, with Trump railing against Ontario’s plan to add its own 25% surcharge on electricity exports in response to Trump levying a proposed 10% tariff on electricity, gas, and oil. Declaring that America “won’t be subsidizing Canada any longer,” he proclaimed that Americans “don’t need your Cars, “don’t need your Lumber”, and “don’t need your Energy,” and that “very soon, you will find that out.”
Well, it seems that the president is actually the one finding out, because the very next morning, his composed leader routine was so far out the window it might as well have been a bird. By 9 AM he was all caps screaming about the “Abusive threats” from Canada and that 250-390% tariffs on American dairy products are anti-American farmer. To be clear, the U.S. dairy market is already supported by so much governmental gum and tape that there is more than a billion pounds of cheese stored in caves under Mississippi. Yes, that is a real thing, and beyond that, the U.S. doesn’t even export enough milk to have zero tariffs right now. Oh, and the “deal” that laid out our current trade agreements was made by Trump in 2018.
But rather than come to terms with the fact that no one legally has to buy anything from you, Trump doubled down yet again on his bid to make Canada the 51st state and how that would make “all Tariffs, and everything else, totally disappear.”
Yet again shaking his withered, tiny old fist at the heavens that will surely rebuke him when he leaves this mortal coil, Trump again whined on social media that Canada “will pay a financial price for this so big that it will be read about in History Books for many years to come!” He also announced that he would be calling for a state of emergency for the affected areas in the American North– we’re sure it behooves him to know that his native stomping grounds in New York City are projected to be one of the areas hit.
Canada and the U.S. have had centuries’ worth of productive alliances, and when Trump is gone, our leaders will rebuild that trust. Just look at our history of conflict; it’s basically a joke. New York didn’t have to look into energy production because, for as long as we’ve been neighbors, we’ve been friendly with our northern allies.
Trump’s supporters will claim the man is playing some version of 4D chess here, but it’s increasingly obvious he barely understands the most basic rules of the game. Trump isn’t some king of trade; he’s barely a pawn, and his policies are going ensure that Americans lose.
Published: Mar 11, 2025 05:30 pm