Don’t tell Marjorie, but an arctic blast is about to give Trump an inauguration of Mr. Freeze proportions

Those darn weather-controlling Democrats are at it again, and they’re aiming their meteorological machines right where it hurts: At Donald Trump‘s inauguration.

The petulant man-child is set to seize the office of the presidency in a few short days, but his big inauguration — which will no doubt be the “largest audience to ever witness an inauguration, period” — will unfortunately collide with one of the coldest arctic outbreaks in recent memory. That will definitely impact how many people manage to rough it out to watch Trump take the oath of office, something he — and crazed conspiracy theorist Marjorie Taylor Greene — will no doubt take issue with.

The universe has spoken

— TheProletariat (@_ThePr0letariat) January 17, 2025

Greene actually, genuinely believes Democrats are capable of controlling the weather, a truly insane fabrication she’s repeated on multiple occasions. Basically, in Marj’s shattered psyche, anytime bad weather hits traditionally Republican areas, it’s because Dems are on the attack. But when weather hits traditionally Democratic areas, well that’s just the weather being weather. Things happen, right?

It’s hilarious the mental hoops these vacuous amoebas jump through to justify their unhinged rantings, and the same wild argument will no doubt once again arise when Trump is faced with a record-low crowd size on his second inauguration day. As Twitter icon @JoJoFromJerz flawlessly phrased it, “Dark Brandon” came in to wield “that weather machine one last time” before he surrendered the Oval Office to Trump.

Dark Brandon wielding that weather machine one last time. 😂😂 https://t.co/nP13vK5zlW

— Jo (@JoJoFromJerz) January 17, 2025

Now just in case Marjorie Taylor Greene is reading this — if you’re there, Marj, I might recommend avoiding your tag page; you won’t like it much — I should clarify that Democrats actually don’t boast mutant powers. It may come as a shock to the woman who believes space lasers cause wildfires, but Storm and Mr. Freeze are completely unqualified to serve in a federal capacity. And while that would make them perfectly suitable for Trump’s Cabinet of nincompoops, it disqualifies them in the eyes of Democrats.

But say there was a weather-controlling device — it would be wielded by the “elites” at the top, right? Which means Joe Biden has, for years, been dictating which states get hit by which storms and when. It also means that when Biden exits office, he’ll be handing the controls over to his successor, Donald Trump. So, any weird weather that hits over the next four years is Trump’s fault, right?

Honestly, if Don wants any kind of a positive legacy, the fictional weather device actually may be his way in. He just needs to find the right scientist — Dr. Oz counts, I’m sure — to transform the existing Democrat weather device into Flint Lockwood’s Diatonic Super Mutating Dynamic Food Replicator from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. That way, he can command the weather just like those darned Dems, and in the process he can knock out the food shortage and end all that nasty talk about grocery store prices. Its a win-win!

Unfortunately for Trump and all those egg-less Americans, no such device exists beyond the bounds of our screens, which leaves us with nothing but actual science and national preparation to combat severe weather. Will that stop Trump, Greene, and everyone else on the right from blaming Democrats for bad weather? It absolutely will not. But, if the rest of us can find a way to work around them, it could save lives in the future, so long as we learn the right lessons from our past.