Oops, now dog-shooting disaster Kristi Noem doesn’t know the meaning of ‘hypothetical’

Its never a surprise when those most closely associated with former President Donald Trump display their lack of intelligence, but Kristi Noem is going for the gold with her latest misstep.

The self-admitted dog killer and South Dakota Republican has been at the center of conversations of late, following the release of her book, No Going Back, and her reported removal from Trump’s shortlist of running mates. Her removal followed the circulations of excerpts from Noem’s book, one of which discusses — in a disturbingly gleeful manner — Noem’s decision to kill her 14-month-old puppy for not performing its duties to satisfaction.

All this from the pro-life party. Some wild mental gymnastics have resulted in continued support of Noem from fringe Republicans, but she’s seeing her popularity plummet in the wake of the book’s release. In an effort to maintain the same relevance she boasted ahead of that very public faux pas, Noem’s been participating in interviews in aims of dispelling reports of her unhinged nature.

Unsurprisingly, she’s failing. Noem’s recent spate of interviews are doing little to improve her image, and in fact are — more often than not — only tarnishing it further. Take her recent interview with Elizabeth Vargas, in which Noem seemingly misunderstood the definition of “hypothetical” in her efforts to dodge a question.

Vargas posed a simple question to Noem, asking only after her opinion on whether or not Mike Pence did “the right thing or the wrong thing on Jan 6.” In response, Noem blasted the question as “hypothetical,” which it is not, and stressed that “that situation will never happen again.”

Had Vargas asked about what Mike Pence should do in the future, should another attempted insurrection occur, that would be a hypothetical. Had she asked if Mike Pence would make the same decisions in the future, that would be a hypothetical. Asking someone their opinion on something that demonstrably already happened is not, in any way, a hypothetical question.

It was clearly an evasive technique from Noem, but one that only succeeded in proving her limited grasp on the English language. Something that, ironically, makes her an even more fitting running mate for Trump, who’s similarly tenuous comprehension of his native language would suit Noem’s limited vocabulary perfectly.

Just in case Noem is reading this, I thought I’d provide a little lesson for you all. A hypothetical is, according to Merriam-Webster, something “involving or being based on a suggested idea or theory.” Since that still might be a bit confusing for someone with Noem’s limited cognition, that means that any hypothetical is based on an imagined, dreamed-up, or fictional version of events. Something that could happen, but has not happened.

Jan. 6 did happen. Mike Pence reacted the way he reacted to the storming of the Capitol. Noem’s answer to questions about that real, actual thing that happened would just be answers, not hypotheticals.

And there we have it. A little grade-school English lesson for a woman who’s served as South Dakota’s governor for more than five years now. It won’t be enough to make her qualified for office, or to dampen the effects of her own sinister admissions, but maybe it will stop her from making the same embarrassing mistake twice.