In perhaps the worst choice since Crash won Best Picture, Donald Trump has put forward Matt Gaetz as his pick for attorney general, and fellow swine Marjorie Taylor Greene has some thoughts.
In case you missed this news (I envy you), the president-elect announced that he has chosen the Florida representative as his pick for the high-ranking government role. If approved by the Senate, it will make Gaetz — a Trump loyalist currently under investigation by the House Ethics Committee — the chief law enforcement officer of the federal government, which makes total sense and isn’t a cause for concern in the slightest.
Speaking of his choice in a social media post, Trump described Gaetz as “a deeply gifted and tenacious attorney” (though not gifted enough to dodge the charges against him), adding that he will “focus on achieving desperately needed reform at the Department of Justice.” The only way this story could get worse is if a woman who believes in Jewish space lasers got involved, and wouldn’t you know it, she has! (everything’s fine, you guys).
“Another incredible choice by President Trump to nominate my friend, [Gaetz], as the next Attorney General of the United States,” Greene/Firecracker wrote on X, coincidentally owned by another one of Trump’s cronies. “The appointment of Matt Gaetz… is a total repudiation of four years of tyranny by a government entity run amok.” Without a slither of irony, Greene concluded the post by saying she is “excited to see justice finally be served,” which is probably also true of the investigators who’ve been swarming Gaetz since 2019.
As a refresher (and please don’t shoot the messenger), Gaetz has been the subject of a years-long Justice Department investigation into allegations related to sex trafficking and obstruction of justice. Yep, the man under investigation by the DOJ could also be the man leading that exact branch of executive government, in yet proof that the Trump administration takes the word “justice” as more of a light suggestion.
While the Justice Department declined to bring charges against Gaetz in 2023, the case has since been picked up by the House Ethics Committee, but even their pursuit of the charges — which Gaetz denies — might soon be rendered mute. If Trump is successful in appointing Gaetz as the Attorney General, the Ethics Committee loses its jurisdiction, meaning the investigation into Gaetz would cease. I just love when justice is served! Naturally, the social media response to Greene’s congratulatory message to Gaetz has been less than complimentary.
“This administration is going to be a joke,” one user wrote on X, with another adding a simple yet effective “OH HELL NO.” Joining an administration that reads like my nightmare blunt rotation, Gaetz is one of multiple head-scratching choices made by Trump as he prepares for his White House return. The president-elect said he would allow whale head enthusiast RFK Jr. to “go wild” with health, medicine and food policy in his administration, so expect your drinking water to taste a little less fluoride-y soon. Elsewhere, dog terminator Kristi Noem is up for Secretary of Homeland Security, and billionaire Elon Musk will co-lead the Department of Government Efficiency.
Not wanting to miss out on all the fun (read, terror), Greene herself has been gunning for some kind of role in the Trump camp, saying last week that she has “been very loyal” to the president-elect and would “like to see people like us… [be] very much involved.” That folks, would be the cherry on top of the crap cake that is a second Trump presidency.