’10/10 performance’: Crafty cat is a master thief in the making after pulling off spectacular heist

Dave Bautista has alarmed his fans with his recent massive weight loss, but now the transformative role that this was all in preparation for appears to have been revealed — it was all so that he could embody the part of a particularly gifted criminal of a cat in a viral TikTok video.

Marvel’s Drax the Destroyer has one of the funniest moments in Avengers: Infinity War when the large and very visible alien swears he is so stealthy that he can literally become invisible to everyone else. Apparently, this thieving kitty is under the same apprehension, as the grab-happy tabby attempted to swipe the lid of an ice cream tub from right under his human’s nose.

Just like Drax with his bag of nuts, the cat in question totally and utterly fails at his attempt at subterfuge but it is hilarious to witness nonetheless. Amid his best impression of a harmless snooze, the kitty surreptitiously reaches out his paw to slowly drag the lid towards him across the table top, being careful to stop moving and close his eyes whenever he feels his human’s attention on him.

It’s a long and laborious process, but our felonious feline friend knows that the rewards will be well worth it once he finally pulls off the heist of the century.

For those who need to know more about this Drax wannabe, with the heist skills of Ant-Man and the intellectual capacity of Star-Lord, his name is Meatloaf and going by the other videos on his human Caitlyn’s TikTok page this kind of bone-headed behavior is entirely par for the course for him. His beautifully blank mind is captured in action over and over again on her account — attempting to steal her food is definitely a running theme — and in one she speculates that he shares a single brain cell with the rest of orange cat kind.

Cat lovers will know that orange cats are widely viewed to be less intelligent than cats of other coats, but is there actually any scientific truth to this? Well, first of all, there is some precedent for coat color determining differences in the personality of mammals — this has been observed in red versus silver foxes, for instance — but this doesn’t seem to apply to your cats. “While there could be some genetic components associated with coat color that also impact personality, there is little scientific evidence demonstrating this to be the case in domestic cats,” Zarah Hedge, chief medical officer at the San Diego Humane Society, told CNET.

So maybe Meatloaf is just naturally a little dim-witted. Unless that’s just what he wants us to think. What if he’s only playing the fool and he’s really an internationally wanted crack thief? That’s my elevator pitch for when I bump into the head of Illumination, the studio that makes the Minions movies, anyway. If I have my way, Cat Burglar — starring Bautista as the voice of Meatloaf, natch — will be hitting cinemas by 2027 and earn a bazillion dollars.