‘Best. Story. Ever.’: Woman gets banned from Starbucks after pooping herself in the name of friendship

There are good friends out there, and then there are those willing to go above and beyond for you. These are the people you’ll want around in times of need — like when you need to get busy with your crush, for example.

Taylor Watson is one of these people, as evidenced by one of her TikTok videos, which perfectly encapsulates how seriously she takes her wingwoman duties. On July 11, the content creator shared the wild story of how she ended up banned from a Starbucks in San Francisco, and it all started with a lesbian friend getting offered a job in the city. Having just recently come out of the closet, this person requested Watson’s presence in San Fran to “help her get laid for the first time” (by a woman, that is). Lo and behold, Watson pulls it off, getting her friend to exchange phone numbers with an attractive woman on the first night they go out to a bar. So far so good.

The trouble comes the following day, when the TikToker wakes up feeling sick. Still, she’s determined to stick to her role as wingwoman, so when her friend tells her that she invited the woman from the night before over, Watson wastes no time vacating her apartment. Despite her fever, she heads to the Starbucks across the street and ends up falling asleep on a table. About three hours later, she wakes up to an incident. Watson realizes she has just pooped herself in the coffee shop, and to make matters worse, she finds the bathroom door locked.

Watson is left with no alternative but to interrupt her friend’s hook-up, so she runs back to the apartment “smelling like a human porta-potty” and praying for the deed to be done. Thankfully, it was, and her friend was even glad for the interruption. It turns out that the best way to make someone who has overstayed their welcome leave is for your friend to come home in poop-covered pants. This makes the third time Watson saves the day, but sadly, it also results in her no longer being allowed in that particular Starbucks.

Of course, this story was received with amusement by the TikToker’s followers, who could’ve never predicted any of its twists and turns. “Best. Story. Ever.” one person commented, as another wrote: “At no point did I have any idea where this story was going, what a roller coaster.” Some folks have also made it a point to praise Watson for a job well done. “This is top-tier friend stuff,” a TikTok user chimed in. “At my age, I SHOULD be able to top that story… I can’t. You rock as a friend,” someone else wrote. “That’s very brave of you to share that story,” one person pointed out, referring to how embarrassing it is. Oh, the things we do for comedy.

Humor aside, while a story like this would embarrass a lot of people if they were in Watson’s place, it’s really nothing to be ashamed of. According to an article from The Washington Post, this type of situation happens more often than one might think, as about eight percent of adults in the U.S. are affected by fecal incontinence. Besides, there are much worse and more disgusting poop stories out there.

At the end of the day, though, the focus of this tale should be on the TikToker’s wingwoman skills, which should make everyone reevaluate their friendships. I mean, are you even a true friend if you’re not willing to poop yourself for the greater good?