‘Hair like Lord Farquaad, attitude of a toad’: Woman challenges rude 6ft, 200-pound man who tried to steal her bar chair to a beatdown

If some rude guy came along and ruined the nice time we were having with our friends, most of us would probably just leave our frustration and anger to simmer away ⏤ especially if said rude guy in question was over six-foot tall and about 200 pounds.

However, for Theresa Rowley, who all of TikTok now wants to be when they grow up, that was not an option. Instead, Rowley took to the app to hunt down the shockingly obnoxious man who tried to snatch her friend’s chair away at a bar — so the two of them can “have a little talk.” Spoiler alert: I don’t think she actually wants to talk.

In her video, Rowley encourages those watching to put out the feelers for “a big guy” with the “haircut of Lord Farquaad [and the] attitude of a toad.” She doesn’t know his name, she admits, but guesses that it probably starts with an “A” and ends with “Sshole.” The reason Rowley’s on the warpath? Because Farquaad’s illegitimate son would not take no for an answer while she and her friends were on a night out.

Rowley’s friends — they were all in town to attend a film premiere of a movie they worked on — were getting their drinks at the bar when Farquaad Junior put his hand on a chair around their table and said “I’m taking this.” Rowley explained that her friends were sitting there and would be back soon. “Let’s go find them,” he ordered, to which she declined. Still, the guy would not let the chair go. First, he sent his cronie over to try and snatch it before giving it another go himself. At this point, Rowley admits she was ready to “smash a Topo Chico bottle [and] go full West Side Story” on her enemy, but her friend stopped her from escalating things due to the guy’s size. So, yes, he got the chair.

This isn’t sitting right with Rowley, though, and now she wants to settle her “unfinished business” with her seat-stealing nemesis. “I was just wondering if you were gonna be there next weekend? ‘Cause if so, I’ll rearrange my schedule and meet you out back.”

Apart from her fearless spirit, Rowley’s endless zingers and the fast-talking delivery straight out of an old-timey screwball comedy movie is winning her legions of fans on TikTok. “Serious question…do you practice telling your stories because your delivery is flawless,” someone asked. Others are ready to be Rowley’s army should she need them: “Give us the place and time, we ride then.” Meanwhile, one individual is feeling very uncomfortably seen: “Jesus Christ she described me exactly.”

Honestly, with her way with words — describing the guy’s friend as so vacant “there was less going on than a concert venue in the height of the pandemic” — Theresa could no doubt cut this guy down to size with just her wit, but it sounds like she really needs a full-on Jets vs. Sharks rumble to get the fury out of her system. We’d all love a ringside seat to that death-match — but we wouldn’t steal one, though.