How to use TikTok after the ban, confirmed

Like Icarus, TikTok flew too close to the sun. Sure it generated scary headlines that it was killing attention spans, contributing to online bullying and ugh, maybe it really is a propaganda tool of the Chinese government, but – dammit – it represented the pinnacle of man’s quest to deliver videos of cats’ cute antics, the best gossip on the planet, and men having traffic cones bounced into their butts.

To be clear, we don’t know for sure that TikTok will be banned. Joe Biden has said he’ll leave the decision to returning President Donald Trump, and while there are rumblings that he may be more sympathetic to TikTok’s plight, the Supreme Court has upheld the ban, meaning that from Sunday Jan. 19 the app may be illegal.

So, if you can’t bear the thought of a life without TikTok, what are you doing to do? C’mon, are you really going to let some dusty judge or self-serving politician tell you what you can and can’t do with your phone?! Of course not! So keep your chin up and let’s look at your options.

1. Leave the country

Our first pick is dramatic, but it will at least 100% ensure you can continue using TikTok. This particular ban is, after all, confined to the United States, so if you simply emigrate, you’ll be able to keep using the app. Maybe upending your entire life and abandoning your family, friends, and career at huge cost is an overreaction to being denied access to one app, but your priorities are your priorities, and we will not judge. Just don’t move to India or Afghanistan, where TikTok is also banned.

2. Stick your head in the sand

What even is a TikTok ban, anyway? Considering the hammer is set to fall in just a few days, we don’t know how it’s going to work. The best case scenario is also the laziest, so therefore, one of the most likely. This sees the ban consisting of the app simply being removed from the Apple and Android app stores. If that happens, anyone with the app installed will still be able to use it for the foreseeable future, though it will likely eventually become obsolete as it won’t be able to be updated.

Even if it is removed, Android users may be able to sideload updated TikTok applications. If you’re within Apple’s walled garden though, you’re out of luck.

3. Finally figure out how VPNs work

You’ve seen your favorite YouTubers doing product placement for VPNs but, let’s face it, there’s nothing sexy about them, you don’t strictly need one to browse the internet, and they seem like a headache. Basically, they’re boring. But the time has finally arrived for you to learn how they work!

These apps bounce your traffic through a server outside the United States, meaning that as far as the TikTok app is concerned, you’re in a country where you’re permitted to use it. VPNs are available for free, but I’d be cautious about sending your private data through a free one. Fortunately, the paid ones aren’t that expensive and at least one internet personality you like will have a discount code cutting that price even further. Once it’s installed, simply set the server in the app to the country of your choice and – theoretically – you’re set.

4. Start a grassroots political campaign to convince the political establishment that they should restore TikTok, perhaps pointing out that the ban is founded in xenophobic anti-China propaganda and appears to be directly linked to suppressing unfiltered videos about international conflicts that the powers that be would rather the youth of America not be exposed to for fear they begin to oppose and protest certain foreign policy stances

Good luck! But seriously, VPN.