‘I’m Not Really a Waitress’: Walmart shoppers are waking up to its seriously weird nail polish names and TikTok has questions

From “Marinated Makeup” to “Skin Cycling,” TikTok is a treasure trove of budget-friendly tips and tricks for upgrading your makeup, hair, and nails in the comfort of your home. It’s also the perfect place for conversations about unique and memorable trends you spot out in the wild.

TikTokuser @delirious.studios shared the strange, mysterious, and entertaining names of OPI nail polishes on the shelves at Walmart, and we’re totally fascinated, if not a little perplexed.

So, what are some of the names? A light pink is titled “It’s A Girl.” A dark brown is “Lincoln Park After Dark.” As pointed out by @delirious.studios, there is more than one OPI color named after someone named Suzi. A dark purple polish was granted the name “Suzi & the Arctic Fox” (what?), and a white bottle bears the name “Suzi Chases Portu-geese.”

But the two best names are “All Your Dreams in Vending Machines” (which is confusing since I don’t think of dark pink when I think of that object) and “I’m Not Really A Waitress,” which was the moniker given to a sparkly red color. Like TikTok, I have questions about this one. What is this waitress’s real identity? Are they working at a restaurant while pursuing their dream of making it big in Hollywood? Can’t you wear sparkly red nail polish even if you are a waitress?

Well, apparently the answer is yes. TikTok user @ekdeyoe commented that her mom was a waitress and used “I’m Not Really A Waitress” for decades, so there you have it. Other TikTok users loved hearing these wild nail polish names, particularly “Lincoln Park After Dark.” As someone pointed out, it “sounds like it could be a Chappel Roan song.”

Back to Suzi, though — who is this person who has a great sense of humor and clearly loves puns? TikTok user @justaflagirl wrote “Suzi is the woman who names OPI nail polish. She’s a legend!” Suzi Weiss-Fischmann is the OPI artistic director and co-founder. She shared with Cosmopolitan that the brainstorming meetings for nail polish names happen after she chooses the colors and that “usually you can find us eating something unhealthy.” She explained, “Many of the names come from our life experiences—good and bad—and our travels.”

What about “I’m Not Really A Waitress”? This happens to be the name of Suzi’s published memoir wherein she recounts the story of her business’s startup journey. In 2019, she told Well+Good that this is her favorite name, and even explained the meaning behind it. “It really tells women that they can be anybody…If they have the passion and they really want something, they can do it—so it really connects with me.” I love that so much!

Considering the revenue generated from the beauty industry, it’s no wonder everyone pays so much attention to unique nail polish names. According to Wifi Talents, the COVID-19 pandemic saw a boom in people doing their nails at home instead of going to the salon. In fact, more nail kits were purchased during this time than ever before. The global nail polish industry is expected to increase to $15.6 billion in 2025… so that’s a lot of nail polishes being purchased with fun names. Now I need to find “I’m Not Really a Waitress” ASAP.