Navigating today’s job market is a nightmare, from postings requiring a degree and five years experience for an entry-level position and competition from countless equally qualified individuals, to disparagements from aging relatives who can never seem to understand how things have changed in the decades since they were last out of work. Taking a cue from instantly popular fantasy series The Witcher, if you fancy a change from the drudgery of nine-to-five data entry or the grind of the service industry, Netflix are looking to augment their security department by hiring an Associate Witcher.
This isn’t a joke, either, as there’s an official job posting on their website that can be read via the link below. It asks for applicants to “hold a four-year degree from an accredited Witcher school or have equivalent life experience,” which suggests to me the information was copy-pasted from another posting without being properly edited, as four years training seems rather on the sparse side for the wide range of combat techniques and monster lore the calling requires. Either that or Netflix are looking to recruit someone less experienced at a cheaper rate, but hoping to gain more advantages than they want to pay for.
It also requires independent working, verbal and written communication for the negotiation of contracts, confidence in the traversing of multiple types of terrain, and an innate understanding of the complex nuances of morality. In what I can only assume is a cost-saving exercise, candidates are also responsible for training young and presumably impetuous recruits, saving Netflix the expense of doing so themselves.
Although not specified, the interview stage will likely require applicants to provide proof of their Witcher status by showing their medallion, as any idiot can don a pair of Halloween contacts, dye their hair silver and brandish a pair of mismatched swords, and although a highly rare occurrence, being born a child of destiny is difficult to quantify on paper. Having already undergone the requisite alchemical mutations is implied by the physical requirement of having the ability to “lift several hundred pounds overhead repeatedly.”
It’s made clear it’s a contract job, too, presumably paid per vanquished monster rather than a base salary, and it’s necessary for candidates to already own their own equipment rather than expect the company to provide it for them. It’s unclear whether fees will be paid by the streaming giant or whatever pitiful humans end up being defended though, as that’s likely an aspect of the contract negotiation previously mentioned.
If you think you’ve got what it takes to be a Witcher, Netflix are accepting video applications, the best of which will be shared with the unwashed masses to speak of your prowess and bravery.