To impress an author of Stephen King’s caliber is a tough task. But clearly, we have been underestimating Donald Trump’s ability to be an insufferable tool because he has crafted a real wonder this time, so unbelievable that King couldn’t help but acknowledge that just two words from the former president were enough to make him sit up and take notice.
Just when we think that Trump can’t possibly surprise us anymore, he throws a curveball our way, forcing everyone to see him in a new light…
… one that confirms he is better off sitting at Mar-a-Lago, sipping at a sad martini, probably snipping at everyone on Truth Social, and making I-ate-something-iffy-in-my-tiffin-today faces during his neverending court hearings. Why the sudden investment in Trump’s well-being, you ask? Because during his campaign rally in Schnecksville, Pennsylvania, the 2024 presidential candidate embarked on a bonkers rant that has left America beyond curious if he has any functional brain cells left.
Between his hilarious claims of being “the most honest guy almost in the world” (ahm, he has another fraud trial on April 15, 2024) and mixed soup of his blatant transphobia and pervertedness, it was hard to imagine anything else he said trumping the mess. But nope. Trump launched right into one insanely weird rant about the Battle of Gettysburg which took place in 1863 and is remembered for its carnage that saw more 51,000 deaths.
“Gettysburg, what an unbelievable battle that was. It was so much, and so interesting, and so vicious and horrible, and so beautiful in so many different ways—it represented such a big portion of the success of this country.
Gettysburg, wow—I go to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, to look and to watch. And the statement of Robert E. Lee, who’s no longer in favor—did you ever notice it? He’s no longer in favor. ‘Never fight uphill, me boys, never fight uphill.’ They were fighting uphill, he said, ‘Wow, that was a big mistake,’ he lost his big general. ‘Never fight uphill, me boys,’ but it was too late.”
Um, what? I feel like I owe my 20-year-old self a major apology – I definitely made more sense in questions I didn’t study for than this word salad Trump furnished. There is nothing beautiful about a Civil War and just to point out, he was in a different part of Pennsylvania during this nonsensical rant. And the last time he actually was in Gettysburg? It was in 2016 and he pledged to sue every woman who had accused him of sexual assault.
As people across the globe have been holding on to spinning heads since this section of his speech will go down in history as the most pathetic attempt to sound intelligent, Stephen King has come forward to give the whole discussion a piece of his mind and confirmed that two words alone from the unhinged tirade are enough to deduce the level (or the glaring absence) of basic intelligence in Trump.
The last time King was this baffled by Trump’s IQ was back when he missed out on his time-traveling trick when he couldn’t move past the ex-POTUS’ penchant for thinking Barack Obama was still the U.S. President. But as it is Trump’s life mission to leave heads shaking in derision, King should be ready for more surprises because they’ll keep making their poor landings.
