In the year of our Lord 2024, the greatest barb to ever grace the halls of Congress was uttered from the lips of Democratic Representative Jasmine Crockett.
Her gorgeously delivered insult, accurately describing Marjorie Taylor Greene’s “bleach blonde bad built butch body,” went instantly viral, and became a new rallying cry against the harebrained, exclusionary politics of the far right.
It’s hard to beat such a well-constructed jibe, particularly when it appeared to blossom, unplanned, from the brilliant brain of the Texas Representative, but Jimmy Kimmel is giving it the good college try. He recently enjoyed a visit from the 43-year-old political powerhouse on his late-night program, and midway through their discussion, he tried his hand at an insult of Crockett proportions.
They weren’t birthed in the spur of the moment, and during a tense hearing no less, but there’s no denying the appeal of “hoagie-head horse hair Hilter-happy hate Hobbit” or “tank top tramp stamp truck stop traitor tot.” The alliteration is certainly on-point in Kimmel’s list of glorious Greene alternatives, and each one cuts deeper into the disgraceful Representative’s worst qualities. I’m personally partial to “ding-dong dye job dipstick in lipstick,” though that may better describe Lauren Boebert than MTG.
If I may, I have a few suggestions of my own that I’d happily gift Crockett for merchandise consideration. After all, I’ve been writing about MAGA moron Marjorie and her malicious, morally corrupt mob wife mentality for months now, and I’m chock-full of hostility toward the reprehensible representative.
Has Crockett considered the succinct “bitter boorish brick-thick blockhead?” Or perhaps “jealous jaded joyless judgmental January 6 apologist?” They certainly describe MTG well, but I fear no insult will ever land quite like the legendary utterance that made Crockett an icon, a legend, and easily the most savage member of the 118th Congress.
