Dressing for beauty is one thing, and dressing for function is another, but some people dress for a degree of utilitarianism that’s so impossibly transcendental, that the function really does become its own beauty. TikTok‘s @tmoneyhustla is one of these people, and if there was ever any doubt that farm girls simply get things done, it’s all but extinct now.
Everything you need to know has been captured in 21 glorious seconds in the video above; Taylor’s horses thought it wise to go on an unsupervised, impromptu adventure upon the frontier, and without a halter handy, wrangling these rascals was going to be no simple job, or so one would think.
Indeed, in a move that simultaneously rejected tradition and embraced modernity and vice versa, Taylor—perhaps instinctually—unclipped her bra and promptly wrangled the horse whose bright idea it was to run for the horizon. With their leader hopelessly subdued by the undergarments, the rest of the horses fell in line shortly after.
As you can imagine, the comments section had the exact amount of fun one might expect with this. Some wanted to know the brand of such a bra that was capable of taming an entire horse, for surely that would be able to accommodate even the fussiest of chests. Others cracked jokes about how that was exactly how their wives managed to land them, while cowboy romance authors around the world began a sort of creative salivation that you just never come across in even the most fertile brainstorming sessions.
And surely Taylor’s bra is just one of the ancient farmgirl relics bestowed upon the world by Demeter, Olympian goddess of the harvest and agriculture. Indeed, it is now Taylor’s divine purpose to assemble such artifacts as the pair of jeans whose pockets can only hold chicken eggs, the eyebrow trimmer designed for tilling, a specific perfume bottle that can swiftly irrigate any crop it happens upon, and the platform stilettos that inexplicably keep your feet clean of any cow poop.
Once acquired, Taylor just need whisper “Let’s go, girls,” upon which she’ll transform, Sailor Moon-style, into a mythological heroine who’s fated to cosmically align the American south with the universally affable concept of femininity, presumably aided by the horse in the video, who at that point will have become a Megazord or something like that. Apologies; as a Northeasterner, my translation of these primordial texts can only reveal so much.
