‘If you’re thinking about having a baby, just remember…’: Mom’s morning is ruined by son dying himself purple and becoming a mini-Thanos

The Avengers had their work cut out for them in taking on Thanos, but honestly saving reality from a crinkly-chinned, grape-headed Josh Brolin was a walk in the park compared to what any mother of a boisterous toddler has to put up with on a daily basis.

Take the tale of TikTok user Ash 2.0’s unfortunate morning, which will have you laughing as well feeling a swell of sympathy for a loving mother of a tiny space tyrant. “If you were thinking about having a baby,” Ash warned, in a perceptive PSA to other potential parents out there. “Just remember they turn into toddlers and do stuff like this…”

“Now, I know I look crazy and there’s a reason for that,” explained Ash, growing more agitated by the second. “I’m about to rip my unkempt eyebrows out of my forehead, OK?”

Upon finding out what Ash had just gone through, you’ll forgive the threat of unprovoked violence against her beleaguered brows.

The day started encouragingly enough when Ash’s young son came into her room at 6:31am and got into bed with his mom. One minute later, he asked if he could “go potty” and proceeded to go to the bathroom with the door open so that he could talk his no-doubt fascinated mother through the whole process. Ash then drifted back off to sleep, expecting her son to return to bed. But the Marvel villain in the making had other plans.

While Ash was dozing, her son found his way into her closet and got his hands on her makeup. He was apparently a particular fan of her purple eye-shadow as he decided to smear the stuff all over his body — “his eyes, his mouth, his chest, his legs, his arms…” reveals an exasperated Ash. Of course, when he then went about the house in his Grimace get-up, the purple plague spread around the floors and the walls too.

Fast forward to several hours — and endless showers — later, and Ash’s son is still as violet-hued as Barney the Dinosaur. Well, one thing we can say is that Ash has a very unique child there. Most kids love to play at being superhero, but clearly Ash’s son envisions himself more as a cosmic dictator. He’s starting small, by terrorizing his own home, but he’s presumably planning to spread his reign of terror house by house, street by street, and eventually planet by planet.

TikTok obviously used this opportunity to get all nostalgic about their own hijinks as toddlers, or else their kids’ infant episodes, with some of the ensuing stories being even more galling than Ash’s. Like the girl who tried to jump from the stairs to see if she could fly with her fairy wings or the one who got her hands on her dad’s razor blades and shredded all her fingertips. Honestly, though, most of them are to do with poop. So many poop stories. *shudders*

Interestingly, child development specialist Claire Lerner has noticed an uptick in intense, tyrannical behavior from toddlers this decade, no doubt in large part due to the limitations pressed upon them by the pandemic. Thankfully, Ash’s child sounds like a mostly good-humored and sweet kid — and a potential future drag queen, going by his addiction to purple eye-shadow.