What you’re about to see is the most wholesomely unhinged example of the sibling paradox. The sibling paradox, as defined by no one in particular up until now, is when you grow up with someone under the same roof (i.e. a sibling) and therefore have a pretty unshakable line on how they parade their nonsense into the world, meaning you should be able to spot it a mile away.
For those same reasons, however, you would do absolutely anything for them, including things that are very obviously the result of said nonsensical tendencies. We simply must believe that this is the case for the brother of TikTok‘s @b.j.h.x, because the bulls*** you’re about to see is only the kind you submit to for your sister.
As you can see from the 194-second video above, our jester Beth decided to ring up her brother one day and ask him for a favor. The favor in question? Attending a christening for her beloved Chow Chow Otis, who can be observed (read: celebrated) below.
Right away, we should understand why Beth’s brother agreed to be Otis’ godfather; look at how absolutely perfect this pup is. Indeed, regardless of how one might feel about welcoming someone into the house of God without their explicit consent, a chance to be near Otis the Chow Chow is a chance to be near Otis the Chow Chow; that’s not something you just pass up.
And pass up, her brother didn’t. With a heavy sigh, he asked what time on Sunday he should show up to the church for Otis’ christening, and she mirthfully suggested 10am so that they could go out for breakfast at a cafe beforehand. She made it very clear that she expected him to wear a suit, which garnered a particularly strong reaction from her brother about refusing to wear a suit to a cafe.
This went back and forth for quite a while — Beth’s stifled giggles contrasting with her brother’s exasperated disbelief — until she finally relented; she was not, in fact, going to christen her Chow Chow in hopes of correcting his disruptive behavior, because that would be very silly. After all, if God didn’t want Otis to be rambunctious, then God wouldn’t have built Otis that way (or something like that).
Although, pets getting christened isn’t entirely unheard of, even if the Catholic community at large would prefer that it was. According the the National Catholic Register, an Independent issue from 1997 reported that a religious dog owner, Anne Moore, managed to convince a reverend by the name of Anthony Kerswill to hold a baptismal service for Bertie, her pet Rottweiler who Anne was convinced possessed a human soul (and honestly, she’s so valid for that).
The service was ultimately canceled, as it would have “anthropomorphized” Bertie (i.e. put Bertie, an animal, on an equal footing with human), which the Catholic Church takes issue with. Judeo-Christian revelation, you see, decrees that only those created in the image of God are blessed with an immortal soul, and so to baptize an animal (and therefore immortalize its soul) would be to go against God’s will.
But I think I speak for all of us when I say that I would happily defy God’s will if it means Otis gets into heaven. Indeed, all hail the Chow Chow doctrine!
Published: Oct 4, 2024 09:45 am