China successfully hacks US nuclear weapons agency through Microsoft vulnerability, officials insist that’s no big deal

You might think that China successfully hacking into the United States’ National Nuclear Security Administration, the arm of the Energy Department that controls the production and disposal of the nation’s nuclear arsenal would be a huge deal. But, apparently, there’s nothing to see here and this is just one of those things that sort of happens. No biggie!

What seems like it should be bigger news began with a quiet announcement from one of their spokespeople, who told Bloomberg:

“On Friday, July 18th, the exploitation of a Microsoft SharePoint zero-day vulnerability began affecting the Department of Energy. A very small number of systems were impacted. All impacted systems are being restored.”

Microsoft went on to pin the attack on state-sponsored Chinese hackers, who were apparently able to use the exploit to sneak into the secret nuclear weapon data, access and control systems, and steal security credentials. Sure, that might sound like a huge deal, but according to the government, “a very small number of systems were impacted. All impacted systems are being restored.”

I guess this must have been one of those fun and harmless cybersecurity attacks on the nuclear weapons capabilities of the most powerful nation on the planet? Oh, what mischievous scamps those Chinese hackers are! Let’s ruffle their hair and send them giggling back home!

“CHINA JUST HACKED OUR NUKES”

Needless to say, few are buying the administration’s nonchalance. Over on X, the situation has been summarized as: “They didn’t just get in, they breached the National Nuclear Security Administration, the agency that manages our entire nuclear weapons stockpile. Our nukes. Our secrets. Wide open. This isn’t a cyberattack. It’s a national security catastrophe.”

🚨 HOLY SH*T! CHINA JUST HACKED OUR NUKES – MICROSOFT BREACH EXPOSES U.S. NUCLEAR WEAPONS SECRETS 🚨

They didn’t just get in, they breached the National Nuclear Security Administration, the agency that manages our entire nuclear weapons stockpile.

Our nukes. Our secrets. Wide… pic.twitter.com/fp35ADwxux

— HustleBitch (@HustleBitch_) July 23, 2025

This was also billed as a “disaster”, pointing out that it’s insane that Microsoft software is the only thing stopping hackers from hoovering up critical state security secrets. That company can’t even release a games console without tripping over its own feet and their software is all that’s stopping China from scooping up America’s nuclear details?!

🚨🚨 *US NUCLEAR WEAPONS AGENCY BREACHED IN MICROSOFT SHAREPOINT HACK

China hacks our nuclear secrets.

Disaster.

— Spencer Hakimian (@SpencerHakimian) July 23, 2025

Authorities admit that the full extent of the damage and information accessed isn’t yet clear, but underline that you shouldn’t be concerned about this. After all, there’s a new Marvel movie out this week, and won’t it be cool seeing how Marvel Studios has re-imagined the Fantastic Four? And everyone loves Pedro Pascal. It’s going to be great. So just forget about this boring nuclear weapons hack. It’s really no big deal. Nothing to see here!