A TikTok creator has shared a text message she says she received from a man after she told him she wasn’t ready to sleep with him following three dates.
The video, posted by creator Viola (@datewithviola), has been viewed 786,800 times and received 48,300 likes. Viola read out the message word for word and shared her reaction to it.
On-screen text on the video reads, “I refused to sleep with him after 3 dates & he text me this.” Viola told viewers, “I refused to sleep with a man after 3 dates and this is the text he sent me.”
The message Viola shared told her she was “wasting” his time
According to Viola, the man wrote, “Listen to me. I don’t care that we’ve only been on 3 dates or that you’ve got this ridiculous little ‘I don’t sleep with someone until I know where it’s going’ rule. I like you, you like me, we’re both adults. I’m not going to keep taking you out and spending money on you while you make me jump through hoops for something that should happen naturally.”
The message continued, “And before you start calling me pushy, I’m not asking for anything you wouldn’t want to do with someone you actually fancied. You’re either attracted to me or you’re wasting my time. I’m not waiting for date number 7 or any other stupid number that you’ve made up in your head. So decide what you want because I won’t be asking twice.”
After reading the message, Viola said, “The audacity of these men.” She added that if any men in the comments thought the message was acceptable, they “shouldn’t be allowed near women.” Such dating expectations can feel overwhelming, like when a woman goes on a first Tinder date, and a man sends her a set of rules that has her declaring him painfully average.
Viola said she was not concerned about posting the message publicly. She said, “I don’t even care that I’m sharing all over TikTok because women need to know exactly what this man is like.” Near the end of the video, she turned her phone to the camera and briefly showed a blurred screen that appeared to be a dating app profile.
The video drew a large number of comments, with more than 7,000 people responding. Some viewers questioned why sleeping together should be an expected part of dating, with one writing, “why does dating have to be about sleeping with each other, it’s about getting to know each other.”
Others focused on the idea that paying for dates does not entitle someone to sex. One comment read, “If he thinks money spent = access to sex he could just hire someone rather than going through the pretence of dating.”
Not all reactions agreed with Viola. Some commenters questioned whether she was applying a double standard, with one asking, “so it’s ok for women to have expectations but not ok for men?” Another commenter wrote, “He sounds desperate,” while a separate comment read, “Reason 123,435 why I’m single.”
Viola later posted a follow-up video on TikTok responding to a comment from a user named African_Grey_Lady, who had written that the man’s claim of paying for all the dates “doesn’t sit right” with them, adding that he should “pay for yourself then, nothing is ‘expected’.”
In the follow-up, Viola said, “Regardless of whether a man has paid for all the dates or not, women should never be expected to drop their knickers in receipt of a free meal.” She said the comment section had misrepresented the original story, saying, “this comment is a prime example of when I tell a story and then the comment section writes the sequel to it.”
Viola clarified how the three dates were actually paid for. She said, “he paid for date 1, I paid for date 2, and date 3 we went 50/50.” She also responded to comments accusing her of using men for free meals. Viola said, “I don’t need a guy to pay for my meals. If I can afford to pay a lot of money for my hair, my nails, I own a car outright, pay my mortgage myself, and do you really think I need someone to buy me a £30 meal? I don’t.”
She then restated her main point from the original video, saying, “no woman or man or anyone in fact should be expected to sleep with someone just because they paid for a meal.” Pressure over intimacy and money can escalate, as in a separate case where a man told his date he wouldn’t pay the check if she wouldn’t sleep with him.
For viewers unfamiliar with the story, Viola explained the background in the follow-up video. She said, “I did a video about how a guy that I went on 3 dates with got really mad at me because I refused to sleep with him. And yeah, I ended up sharing the story.”
Published: Aug 16, 2026 05:30 am