It’s common knowledge that Tom Brady is probably doing alright, financially speaking.
23 seasons in the NFL and record-setting tenures as an MVP and Super Bowl Champion will do that for a guy. But what if it’s all a misconception? What if Brady is secretly so destitute, he can’t even afford the air necessary to properly inflate a football? What if he’s eking out a living, scraping by on residual checks from his cameo appearances in Stuck on You and Entourage? What if 80 for Brady was his desperate, ill-informed, last-ditch attempt to meet Lily Tomlin, seduce her, and live off of her Magic School Bus money for the rest of his life?
Good news, faithful members of the Brady Bunch: The former New England Patriots quarterback is doing alright, at least by the financial standards of you and me. The bad news: It’s a lot more complicated than it sounds.
The complicated state of Tom Brady’s net worth
As of the time of this writing, thanks to his storied, undying NFL career, Tom Brady is estimated to boast a personal net worth of approximately $300 million (via Celebrity Net Worth). Minus the day-to-day expenses of being one of the most famous people in the world, that figure includes the $230 million that he made playing for the New England Patriots for 20 years, around $150 million in endorsement deals with companies like Under Armor, IWC, and Uggs, and a two-year, $50 million contract with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Yes, it sounds like a lot, but that’s just because you and I live in a different world than he does. Try to think about that number from his perspective.
Like, sure, one of the Aston Martins that James Bond drove in Goldfinger was auctioned off for $4.6 million in 2010. At that price point, during Tom Brady’s weekend with the kids, he could buy his children 65 Goldfinger Aston Martins, and that’d probably seem like a pretty cool thing – until his ex-wife Gisele shows up with her estimated $400 million net worth and treats the kids to 86 Goldfinger Aston Martins, leaving Brady standing there looking like some kind of broke chump. Owning just 65 genuine, Sean Connery screen-used Aston Martins is the celebrity equivalent of inviting the kids to your studio apartment and calling it “camping” when they have to sleep in the living room with you. It’s pathetic.
That said, the current going rate for an Ultimate Fun birthday party package at Chuck E. Cheese is around $160. Brady could just buy each of his kids 900,000 – enough to have a birthday party every day for the next 2,400 years, including a daily spin in the Ticket Blaster and a personal call-out from Charles Entertainment Cheese himself during the live show – and see if that gets them off his back. Being a single parent sounds tough.
Published: Sep 24, 2023 01:49 pm