A savagely embarrassing J-Lo flop just dethroned ‘Madame Web’ on Netflix

Alright you scoundrels, the jig is up; you know just as well as I do that, when I said we were all misbehaving in allowing Madame Web to soar as high on the Netflix charts as it is, this was absolutely not what we needed to course-correct such a blemish on the history of mankind.

Indeed, it was completely unacceptable that Sony’s entirely detestable superhero flick even made it to theaters, let alone garner more views on the streamer than the likes of tried-and-true classic Shrek, or outperform the genial underdog/box office sensation Anyone But You and whiffing the chance we had to honor Sydney Sweeney in the way she deserved. But what on God’s green Earth does it say about us as a society that we’ve allowed Atlas of all things to be our champion in the most asinine viewership saga since Velma?

For those of you that still aren’t in the know, Atlas is Netflix’s latest attempt at dropping a tentpole sci-fi movie that doesn’t suck. Perhaps they thought that the third time would be the charm after the DEFCON 1-level creative extinction events that were the Rebel Moon films, but what seems to have been disregarded is the fact that you actually need to make a good movie in order for it to not be bad.

And while it may be true that Atlas has scored higher with critics than Madame Web, a 17 percent approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes isn’t exactly the upgrade from 11 percent that Netflix should be proud of, but when the name of the game is getting people to consume your product, pride becomes one of the most expendable resources out there. The current Netflix Top 10 film rankings in the United States (and indeed, the world) are proof of that.

Folks, I don’t know how much further we can go down this path until we reach the point of no return, so here’s my call to action; gather your friends, children, classmates, whoever you can, and plan a movie night where you sit down and watch The Mitchells vs. the Machines; it’s a fantastically fun and creatively honest movie, it’s a Netflix original (meaning it will bypass most territory-specific catalogue differences), and you don’t have to worry about it not being appropriate for your younger viewers, meaning you can just toss it on and let its runtime roam free on your Netflix account.

Together, if we all put our minds to it, we can right the wrongs of our Netflix ancestors courtesy of Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. May we never let humanity down this way ever again.