The Top 10 Things I Hate About 2 Guns

First: 2 Guns really is a spectacularly awful title. We are talking hall-of-fame levels of stupidity with a name like that. What does it even mean? A promise that, at minimum, the film has one pair of firearms to entice audiences? That when we see a gun in the movie, we can rest assured it will never feel lonely, because another gun will be in close proximity? Is it a high-concept sort of thing, wherein the main characters only have access to two guns to take down an entire criminal operation? Is it a wacky arthouse piece in which two firearms become sentient and search for the true meaning of life, the universe, and everything? Or is it merely another lame, slapdash marketing phrase flailing desperately to make this insipid buddy-cop action comedy stand out from the interminably large crowd of other insipid buddy-cop action comedies, and really only indicating that the two protagonists will each not only carry a weapon, but be defined by their proficiency with violence?

Jonathan R. Lack

Published: Aug 1, 2013 01:59 am

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[h2]2. ‘Banter’ is not automatically funny just because people talk fast and insult each other[/h2]

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There is more to making an audience laugh at two characters conversing than mountains of dialogue, broad attempts at cleverness, and rapid-fire speech patterns. 2 Guns wants to make us laugh and Wahlberg and Washington’s interactions, but the script has absolutely nothing to offer other than desperate, cloying attempts at ‘humor,’ usually involving one character insulting the other or swearing ‘creatively.’ And in an entertainment landscape where literally dozens of films and TV shows are built around ‘banter,’ you have to be better than this to leave an impression. Hell, you have to be better than this to not make me want to punch the screen in anger, because while good banter can be a lot of fun, bad banter is just painful to sit through. And the banter in 2 Guns is legitimately painful. I found not a single one of these jokes funny, and that is one hell of an accomplishment when you have actors as talented as Wahlberg and Washington delivering the material. They should be able to make something out of just about anything. Alas, they cannot, and that leads us to our last, and most pressing, issue.

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Author

Jonathan R. Lack

With ten years of experience writing about movies and television, including an ongoing weekly column in The Denver Post's YourHub section, Jonathan R. Lack is a passionate voice in the field of film criticism. Writing is his favorite hobby, closely followed by watching movies and TV (which makes this his ideal gig), and is working on his first film-focused book.