See The First Trailer For Annie, Starring Quvenzhané Wallis, Jamie Foxx And Cameron Diaz

I'm calling it now - Sony's superficial, screeching remake of Annie will go down in history as one of the most trite and terrible kiddie films of the '10s. I pity the foolish parent who, without other options, got dragged along by their kiddies to this terrible and tone-deaf affair during the Christmas season. It's just beyond awful, from the shrill musical numbers to the bland acting and flat script. Fair warning: less demanding kiddies may pick up some of the catchier, Autotuned-to-death songs and sing them for weeks afterward. Rest assured, their renditions will be better than the movie's, but any film that could turn "Moonquake Lake" into an earworm needs to come with a warning label.

Annie, First Look

Remember when Jay-Z sampled “It’s a Hard Knock Life” from the musical Annie for his song “Hard Knock Life,” and everyone was like, “Wow! Jay-Z is brilliant! He shaved two whole words off the title of that song!” That was all the way back in 1998, but Jay-Z hasn’t forgotten the little orphan who inspired him to transform from a rascally little red-headed girl from to the streets into a ludicrously rich media mogul.

Instead, he got together with his good buddy Will “Big Willie” Smith and decided to produce a remake of Annie in which the titular orphan and her benefector, Daddy Warbucks Will Stacks, are both black. It was a sad day for musical-loving racists.

The official synopsis of the remake is below:

“Academy Award® nominee Quvenzhané Wallis (Beasts of the Southern Wild) stars as Annie, a young, happy foster kid who’s also tough enough to make her way on the streets of New York in 2014.  Originally left by her parents as a baby with the promise that they’d be back for her someday, it’s been a hard knock life ever since with her mean foster mom Miss Hannigan (Cameron Diaz).  But everything’s about to change when the hard-nosed tycoon and New York mayoral candidate Will Stacks (Jamie Foxx) – advised by his brilliant VP, Grace (Rose Byrne) and his shrewd and scheming campaign advisor, Guy (Bobby Cannavale) – makes a thinly-veiled campaign move and takes her in.  Stacks believes he’s her guardian angel, but Annie’s self-assured nature and bright, sun-will-come-out-tomorrow outlook on life just might mean it’s the other way around.”

Judging from the trailer, it will be a fairly inoffensive remake that updates the old musical with a more modern setting. Cameron Diaz’s acting is a tad bit over the top, but still more subdued than it was in The Counselor, and likely a whole lot less… explicit. Quvenzhané Wallis looks like a good fit for the lead role, and Jamie Foxx is just charming as hell.

Annie is scheduled to hit theaters on Christmas Day. Check out the trailer below, followed by the official movie poster. It’s very red.