Stalking should be deromanticized in media, and Netflix is up to the task. You and Baby Reindeer are both television series that feature stalking in disconcerting and — dare we say it — nauseating fashion.
You premiered first, and had as tumultuous a relationship with platforms as Joe (Penn Badgley) does with the objects of his toxic affection. The series first hit the airwaves on Lifetime, but was later revitalized by Netflix. Each season, Joe finds another woman to fixate on, often in a deadly fashion. The series takes a satirical look at the dangers of stalking, all with a glitzy veneer.
Baby Reindeer is about as opposite from its predecessor as you can get. There is nothing glitzy about Martha (Jennifer Gunning), who turns from seemingly run-of-the-mill to disturbing behavior in a snap. While You takes the perspective of the stalker, Baby Reindeer is from the point of view of Martha’s victim, Donny (Richard Gadd). Both characters demonstrate eerie realities of the same concept, though only one can reign supreme as the most creepy stalker.
Joe from You embodies the worst parts of masculinity
You sets out to make a specific argument about the nature of misogyny, even if not all viewers are cognizant of it. Perhaps some viewers mistake Joe for the more sensitive online stalker, Dan Humphrey of Gossip Girl fame. It may be easy to be disarmed by Badgely’s status as a teen icon. But do not be fooled, Joe is an insidious representation of everything wrong in our society.
The moment he sets sights on a woman, he creates a persona for her. He imagines everything he wishes her to be. Instead of getting to know her like a normal person, Joe creates a fantasy that is impossible to live up to. Throw in cyber stalking and following her to her apartment, and you have a future felon on your hands. Joe doesn’t ultimately care about these people. He is a serial killer brimming with toxic masculinity that paints him as the “nice guy.” At its heart, You is a mirror reflecting society at us, and it’s not too pretty to see.
Martha from Baby Reindeer is realistically terrifying
If You is like a mirror showing its audience the potential for violence, Baby Reindeer is the act of throwing viewers into the raging waters of trauma. There is no subtlety in this series, because that’s not the point. Baby Reindeer is not satire. It’s real life. Based on the true account of Gadd’s experience of being stalked in his 20s, the limited series shows the shades of grey that can happen in stalking scenarios.
Gadd doesn’t paint this situation in black and white. Martha isn’t 100% a villain, while Donny (a fictionalized version of Gadd) also feels complicit in his role in this twisted dynamic. Gadd approaches the material with a surprising lack of bias for someone who went through such a trauma. This situation arose because of a specific set of circumstances, and he went to task showing those circumstances as realistically as possible. Donny first encounters Martha at the bar where he works. Seeing that she is in a vulnerable state and in need of human kindness, Donny offers her a cup of tea on the house.
What he didn’t suspect was how this one act would alter his life forever. Martha becomes convinced that they are in a relationship together. And while she turns quickly to violence, Donny still understands that she is living with mental illness. She genuinely believes in this fantasy. But as sad as it is, Donny’s empathy hurts him in the long run.
His desire to help her only makes things worse. He is also struggling from previous trauma in his life, and in some ways, Martha’s attention is a salve on a wound. This confluence of events creates a perfect storm that makes the situation all too real. Terrifying and at times humorous, Baby Reindeer is an unsettling look at a real-life stalking event.
Verdict
Netflix’s shows about stalking both have merits. You as an indictment of rape culture, where Baby Reindeer shows a nuanced portrayal of a harrowing course of events. But as far as who is the creepiest, there is no comparison. Joe cannot hold a candle to Martha. At the end of the day, viewers can comfort themselves with the notion that Joe isn’t real. He may represent many men that exist in real life, but You is a work of fiction.
What makes Baby Reindeer — and Martha in particular — so uncomfortable to watch is the knowledge that this happened to Gadd. Though the stream of events has been slightly altered for artistic license, the pain that radiates through the screen is real. Creating this show was a source of therapy for Gadd, and portraying it accurately was a big part of that. His main drive was to show how these situations aren’t one-sided like they are often depicted.
You can never really tell what is going on in a person’s life. And while Gadd has stated he doesn’t want to force any moral thesis from the series, it does make one second guess performing acts of kindness for strangers. Fans can experience both sides of stalking by watching You and Baby Reindeer on Netflix.
