‘And you wonder why women are choosing to stay alone’: Man blames America for corrupting his Filipino wife once she realizes her rights

Not everyone who goes on TikTok or social media looking for sympathy is built the same. Some people do not deserve our compassion as much as they deserve a piece of our minds.

This American man, @chad2dad – if this is not a massive red flag of a username I do not know what is – decided to film a video complaining about how his Filipino wife, Jan, has become “Americanized.” Having the understanding that saying “my Americanized Filipino wife” is “triggering a lot of people,” he proceeds to “explain what [he means]” by the expression. Spoiler warning: his explanation does not make things better. In fact, his “woe is me” tirade exposes all that is wrong with the quintessential “passport bro” mentality and perfectly encapsulates the enduring sexism still present in the attitudes of several 21st-century men.

Enter Leslie Witherspoon, an American woman who goes by @lesliewit on the platform and is unfortunate enough to have come across @chad2dad’s TikTok video. She, like others, is able to discern the troubling issue at the root of this middle-aged, self-entitled passport bro’s “concern” and decides to put it into words in her reaction.

Saying you’re a red flag without saying you’re a red flag

Poor, poor Chad – not knowing his name or caring to learn it, I’m most ironically dubbing this man “Chad” for the remainder of this article. Imagine traveling to a comparatively less privileged, lower-income, less militarized country in search of a 24/7 housekeeper who’ll fulfill your sexual needs and bear your children without complaint, throwing all this money away to bring her to your country, marry her, and then finding out you haven’t got carte blanche to act and treat her however you like till death do you part without any consequences. That, ladies and gentlemen, is Chad’s complaint in a nutshell.

I would denominate Chad’s attitude as being a kind of “modern colonialist male mentality.” Like other passport bros, this man was motivated to travel to a less privileged Asian country – a colonialist past provides a reason why, nowadays, the Philippines and other formerly colonized countries, are more underprivileged than those same nations that victimized and oppressed them– to throw wads of cash at foreign women expecting them to settle for a life of less social safety nets than women of his home country, all the way getting the delusional impression and the subsequent ego stroke that they are viewed as “high-quality” men in those countries.

Leslie translates Chad’s man-baby grievances brilliantly:

“He’s mad at a system that favored him so much that he could afford to go to a whole other country, find a wife, befriend and approve her family […], assure a woman’s family that he’ll be able to provide for her, bring her back to the United States, sponsor her, which is not cheap, marry her, which is not cheap, and be approved to be accountable and responsible for her […]. He’s angry at a system that afforded him all those privileges simply because they also afford his wife the privilege and freedom of choice, and the right to continue to receive meaningful support as long as she needs it. He’s mad that the system is making an attempt to be equitable.”

As Leslie rhetorically points out towards the end of the video: “And you wonder why women are choosing to stay alone.” Men like Chad who show this much male fragility and attachment to historically reinforced male privileges are ultimately upset that the patriarchal system is not acting patriarchal enough.

Such narrow-minded attitudes also apply to racism. This type of white man perceives the privileges they have enjoyed for centuries of patriarchal rule as being reformed in favor of giving whom they deem as “the other” their equitable rights. Hence, they feel deprived of something they have taken for granted and feel entitled to. So, when women start adopting more self-respecting and independent positions, they lose their minds and throw tantrums. News flash, Chad: No one feels sorry that your plan to purchase a lifetime-warranty-guaranteed bride may well backfire.