Married woman recalls being broke with her husband, then says hard times don’t equal a failing marriage: ‘That’s not a bad marriage, that’s a Tuesday’

A TikToker is pushing back against social media advice that suggests couples should constantly feel excited about each other to have a successful marriage. Amanda Nelz, who posts under the username @amandanelz, shared her perspective in a video, drawing attention to the difference between the expectations people have of marriage and what long-term relationships actually look like.

Nelz, who says she has been married for almost 14 years, explained that relationships naturally go through different phases. Some periods are filled with dates, affection, and an exciting sex life. Others involve exhaustion, taking care of a sick child, or getting frustrated because a partner forgot to unload the dishwasher. She argued that these ordinary moments should not automatically be treated as signs of a failing relationship. As she put it, “That is not a bad marriage.”

The creator also reflected on the different stages she and her husband have reportedly experienced together. She recalled meeting him while she was receiving food stamps, claiming that they went through financial struggles before eventually earning more money and changing careers. “We have been broke together. We have made money together,” she said.

There should be a willingness to change together

The couple has also apparently changed as individuals over the years, something she believes people should expect in a relationship that lasts decades. Nelz pointed out that neither partner will necessarily remain the same person they were when they first got married.

She asked viewers to consider how much someone could change over the course of a 50-year marriage, arguing that the goal should not be to find a person who never changes. Instead, it should be finding someone whose different versions you are willing to keep getting to know.

“It’s about finding somebody that you actually wanna keep meeting,” she said. Her husband now reportedly supports her music career, joining her on stages and in the studio. Nelz sees that as another example of how their relationship has evolved alongside their individual lives.

Research also suggests that long-term relationships do not all follow the same emotional pathway. A review found that marital satisfaction remains relatively stable for many couples over extended periods, challenging the assumption that happiness inevitably fades as a marriage gets older (Karney et al., 2020).

Another study highlights the importance of having a supportive partner. A 10-year longitudinal study found that people who felt understood, appreciated, and cared for by their spouses experienced improvements in their sense of meaning and purpose over time (Selcuk et al., 2016). The findings suggest that a supportive relationship is not necessarily about constant excitement or grand romantic gestures; feeling valued and understood by a partner can also contribute to long-term well-being.

She also questioned why people take marriage advice from individuals whose relationships they would not want for themselves. In her view, someone who has never been married or whose marriage has not lasted may not be the right person to tell others what a successful relationship should look like.