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Future jail dweller and harmonica player Donald Trump reminisces on a time when people actually liked him

Yes, he's having to remember really, really far back.

Former U.S. President Donald Trump attends UFC 302 at Prudential Center on June 01, 2024 in Newark, New Jersey.
Photo by Luke Hales/Getty Images

On the back of his 34 felony convictions — I know you know that already, it just feels good to say — for financial fraud, Donald Trump is showing his true colors yet again over on Truth Social; by trying to hock his tawdry wares while telling what are probably straight-up porkies in the process.

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As we await his sentencing next month, Trump is attempting to fill his coffers even more by flogging his new book, Letters to Trump, a compendium of celebrity letters he’s received over the years. I mean, I assume it’s a real book, even if the cover looks like something mocked up in two minutes on Photoshop.

It’s easy to imagine how Trump’s conversation with the cover designer went: “It’s called Letters to Trump — best book title ever, by the way. Biden couldn’t come up with a book title like that — so it needs to show me writing a letter. Because I can write letters, OK? I sign my name in blue crayon and everything.”

Screenshot via Truth Social

“Do you have my latest book?” Trump begins his Truth Social post, like a snake oil salesman who’s just rolled into town on his rickety cart. Surprisingly he doesn’t then go on to promise that owning his book cures polio. “Before I ran for Politics, they all loved me! From Hillary to Oprah to Stupid Robert DeNiro [sic], they all spoke glowingly of me,” the tangerine-tanned felon claims.

To be fair to Trump — if we must — there was a time when he wasn’t viewed as the overgrown Anti-Christ that he is today, it’s just hard to remember given the oceans of anguish and anger millions have felt towards him over the past decade. It’s entirely possible that the public figures he mentioned exchanged cordial private correspondences with him in times gone by. Even if it is hard to fathom that happening in the wake of De Niro taking every possible opportunity to roast Trump to a crisp.

The evidence apparently rests in Trump’s totally-real-not-at-all-imaginary book, but whether you decide to hand Trump your well-earned cash to find out the truth is up to you. Though given that this is the man who is now claiming that he never said “lock her up” about supposed former best pal Hillary Clinton, despite saying nothing else for months back in 2016, it’s always smart to simply assume Trump is stretching the facts whenever he opens his mouth. It just saves time.

And with his sentencing due on July 11, ahead of this November’s election, time is closing in on Donald Trump. Of course, the likelihood that Trump could be sent to jail remains highly unlikely, even if many would be tickled by the idea of Donald wearing overalls more orange than his face while playing a harmonica. At least there’s some consolation in the fact that he probably doesn’t have enough letters from his hate-filled more recent years to fill a second volume of his book.

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