‘I have a FANTASTIC new Book coming out’: Look, Mommy, convicted felon and predator Donald Trump made a picture book about how to be a Patriot!

Somewhere out there, Dr. Seuss is rolling in his grave (to save, said Dave), following news that Donald Trump’s new picture book will hit shelves later this week. 

The former President took to his regrettably reactivated X page to promote the book, which has a title with few enough syllables that even he can pronounce it without going on some bizarre tangent; Save America.

Thankfully it’s a photo book, since even Trump’s promotional post contained needless capital letters (as is par for his typo course). “I have a FANTASTIC new Book coming out next week,” Trump wrote, “I hand-selected every Photo, from my time in the White House, to our current third Campaign for President of the United States.” 

While it certainly won’t be appearing on Oprah’s coveted book club list, Trump has a demographic of his own, claiming Save America is a “must have” for “America First Patriots”.

Save America hits bookshelves on Sept. 3, and will be released via Winning Team, a publishing house co-founded by nepo baby in chief, Donald Trump Jr. Just for the record, Winning Team is also the publisher behind books by Trump loyalists like Marjorie Taylor Greene, so they’ve long been in the game of providing something to use in the event that you run out of toilet paper. 

According to the publisher’s website, Save America will compile images taken during Trump’s four years in office, as well as outline his “vision for his next term.” It will also include some of “Trump’s words”, so be prepared for Seussian levels of nonsensical wordplay, countless spelling errors, and perhaps even a mention of Hannibal Lecter. 

The front cover of Save America is the image taken right after the Trump assassination attempt in Pennsylvania last month (why does that feel like a decade ago?). Trump’s use of that image for the book sparked controversy, since he exploited an error made by the Associated Press to use it for the cover. 

Usually, AP only licences its images for editorial use, which does not include book covers, but they failed to add those restrictions to the Trump photo until three days after the assassination attempt. Within that three-day window, Trump licensed the restrictionless image for non-editorial use, allowing him to use it as the Save America cover lawfully.

On that note, I think I’m about to run out of toilet paper, so I’ll be heading to my local bookshop later this week.