‘It’s kind of swampy’: Lagoon critter Lauren Boebert is now concerned that people will forget to vote for her

The GOP is full to bursting with unforgivable trash bags, which can make it hard to differentiate between them. Was it the vacant brunette that tripped up this week? The manic Barbie doll? The deranged blonde dingbat? All of the above?

It’s typically the latter, but today Lauren Boebert takes center stage as she trumpets noisily to a supporter base that no longer exists over the injustices of being one of the least-popular members of the GOP. Boebert, one of the party’s younger members and an utterly inconsequential member of American politics, recently decided to switch districts. She previously represented Colorado’s third district, but her rapidly decreasing popularity prompted the 37-year-old to make a switch. She’s now running for Colorado’s fourth district, a far more right-leaning area of the state, which should spell a far easier victory for her.

Despite her best efforts, however, and even in starkly Republican corners of the world, Boebert is still near-universally unpopular. She can’t even pull off a bold red lip with any level of class, let alone actual governing. Instead of doing anything — literally anything — for the constituents of her district, Boebert has spent the last few years backing failed measures and working to move the Republican party even farther to the right.

The result has not been what she desired. While Boebert’s name certainly comes up in plenty of conversations, it’s rarely in a good light. And, as a result, she’s facing steep competition in her upcoming bid to move in on her new district, and not because of the state’s special election.

The current representative for Colorado’s fourth district, Republican Ken Buck, recently announced his intent to resign. He’s yielding his position in the House of Representatives in just a few weeks, which throws the status of the district into minor turmoil. His resignation demands a special election, which is already scheduled to be held on June 25. The only issue? That’s the same day as the GOP primary for the fresh district Boebert is eyeing.

In response, Boebert called the special election decision “swampy,” and noted its “potential to confuse voters.” She’s convinced that, with the special election scheduled for the same day, people won’t know who they’re voting into what position, which could hurt her chances at re-election.

Sorry Laurie, but that won’t be the reason you fail to secure another term in Congress. Your inevitable loss has been written in the stars for months now and no amount of confusion can save your seat. Colorado voters turned starkly against the Republican blowhard over recent months, and she’s not doing much to change their minds. While the special election does give Boebert a nice shiny red herring to blame her loss on, it won’t actually have anything to do with her embarrassing removal from the GOP.

Boebert’s gleefully accomplished that task herself, by drooling over Donald Trump, tagging along on the coattails of actually productive members of Congress, and by being the single most obstinant, obnoxious, and incompetent member of the GOP. In a party that contains irrevocable dingus Marjorie Taylor Greene, it’s an impressive position to hold.