We thought we’d heard the last of Kristi Noem when she was unceremoniously booted out of the Department of Homeland Security and given the extremely made-up-on-the-spot-sounding job of the “Special Envoy for The Shield of the Americas”.
But we shrugged and said whatever, at least we don’t have to see, hear, or think about her anymore. But, incredibly, it appears Noem is still enjoying the benefits of her former job seven whole weeks after Trump gave her the boot.
During her time as DHS head, Noem moved to a secluded and opulent waterfront home at Joint Base Anacostia-Bolling, arguing that she needed the heightened security of military protection. She selected a home reserved for Coast Guard commandants on the basis that this department falls under the authority of DHS.
Former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem has continued using a waterfront house on a military base in Washington, D.C., that she took over as a cabinet member, according to people familiar with the matter. https://t.co/I6IQKX4RP0
— The Wall Street Journal (@WSJ) April 23, 2026
But as Noem is no longer DHS, she shouldn’t be there. And yet, as reported by The Wall Street Journal, she remains, with her SUV seen parked outside the house, and Coast Guard officials spotted her strolling around the base. The report also points out that Corey Lewandowski has been seen there too, “as recently as this month”. I’m sure he has…
Where next for Noem?
The Coast Guard wants their property back ASAP. Admiral Kevin Lunday, a Coast Guard commandant, plans to move into the house as soon as it’s vacated, but is currently in the vice commandant’s house next door, leaving the vice commandant without an official residence.
Right now, there’s no timescale for Noem to finally vacate the property. For all we know, she’s moving her stuff out as we speak and is frantically stuffing her possessions into cardboard boxes. Where she goes is anyone’s guess: though she probably won’t be returning to domestic bliss with her bimbofication balloon-breasted husband Bryan Noem anytime soon.
For now, Noem will probably relocate to some luxury apartment, but we can only hope that sometime over the next few years she returns to secure, federally-provided accommodation. Preferably one with a nice line in orange jumpsuits, armed guards, and a toilet next to her bed.
Until then, I’m sure she’s being kept busy doing the critical role of whatever the Special Envoy for The Shield of the Americas does. Namely, quietly picking up a beefy paycheque and keeping her mouth firmly shut.
Published: Apr 24, 2026 08:15 am