Latest Political Tea: Matt Gaetz panics his patootie off as Nancy Mace guns for her Emmy and Trump’s immunity gets shot down by a legal Legolas

As we inch through this holiday season, I find myself longing for a Christmas miracle. Like a brain for Marjorie Taylor Greene, or a heart for Donald Trump. Heck, I’d even settle for a modicum of self-awareness for Elon Musk.

In the modern age, even with information at our fingertips, it’s all but impossible to expect our elected representatives to educate themselves on the things they rail against every day. Like a kid on the cusp of young adulthood debating the existence of Santa Claus, MTG just can’t quite decide if she does or does not still believe in “Jewish space lasers,” or whether Democrats can control the weather. The Georgian is positive, however, that vaccines cause autism ⏤ something that has been disproven multiple times, unbeknownst to her. I’m amazed she’s found time to show up in the House with all the recent drone sightings and can practically smell the burning rubber from here as she tries to make sense of the mysterious sightings across the globe.

Meanwhile, Nancy Mace has landed herself in hot water after seemingly fabricating an assault. Fun! The representative truly deserves Emmy consideration ⏤ or maybe a Razzie ⏤ for her performance, but she’s still outshone by the acting skills of Matt Gaetz, who recently took to social media to plead his innocence ahead of information regarding his grody child sex trafficking charges being publicly released. His panicked ramblings are just wild enough to convince everyone that his career is about to be over.

That’s more than we can say for president-elect Donald Trump. Despite 34 felony charges, the man is well on his way to the White House — but it looks like he doesn’t have immunity for all those misdeeds after all. This joy-injecting news comes on the tail of rumors that Trump’s historical knowledge is just as shoddy as his education on tariffs after an image of an Italian translator reacting to wild claims from the president-elect went viral. The rumor’s traction really tells you where much of the country lands when it comes to the orange Julius Caesar.

Trump also finally voiced his opinion on alleged CEO slayer Luigi Mangione, and unsurprisingly the man who made millions on the backs of his underpaid — and sometimes never paid — workers is against revenge-slaying executives. Trump is mirroring every other rich person in the country as he rails against violence, which he’s promised to use en masse against the immigrants his administration wants out of this country. In other words: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Human cowpie Marjorie Taylor Greene doubles down on vaccine autism claims for the 367,000th time

It seems there’s no lesson Marjorie Taylor Greene is unwilling to ignore ⏤ something she’s demonstrated a truly infuriating number of times over the years. If a talking point works for her, she’s sticking with it, no matter how blatantly false or laughably disproven it might be. Take her unceasing claims about vaccines causing autism. Scientists have found exactly zero link between autism and vaccines, but there’s a portion of the nation that refuses to believe that, and Marjorie “democrats choose when it rains” Greene doesn’t believe in silly little things like science.

She’s far more interested in prattling on about vapor trails and accusing every single Democrat of being a pedophile, a word she apparently never learned the definition of. Oh, and she’s also been spending an inordinate amount of time railing against drones, all while threatening to unleash that gun-toting gall on the skies above our cities. You’re on the naughty list, Marj, so be expecting hella coal as per usual.

Nitwit Nancy Mace ramps up the victim mentality with claims of assault

Republican Nancy Mace is so desperate to make a name for herself that the South Carolinian is even willing to risk destroying her career. Unfortunately for the rest of the country, her GOP pals would never let that happen. Since November, the hate-filled rep has made it her mission to harass any trans woman she comes across in the name of “protecting women,” even if it means making up a reason to demonize one of her constituents.

It all started with the appointment of Sarah McBride, the first openly trans woman elected to Congress. Mace made sure McBride wouldn’t be allowed to use any women’s restroom on Capitol Hill, a transphobic decision seconded by Speaker of the House Mike Johnson, and one that McBride gracefully accepted. It makes you wonder how much attention she pays to others in the bathroom and why she’s so scared of people turning that prying gaze back on her.

If it wasn’t enough to openly discriminate against a colleague due to their identity — something that most everyday Americans would be fired for — Mace soon doubled down on her BS. She shared a “tragic” story about getting “physically accosted” by a “pro-tr*ns man” (yes, she did censor her own words, because that’s how X works) to the point of requiring a wrist brace and ice for “swelling in her arm.” Witnesses to the event immediately rushed to the accused’s defense, saying that it was simply a handshake. Best of all, the dimwitted Republican forgot to switch off her burner account while she drummed up support on X by sharing pictures of herself in a full arm sling. Remind me, who has that “victim mentality” again?

To get the rest of the piping-hot tea, which this week includes Donald’s lost shot at immunity, the public spilling of Groper Gaetz’s ethics report, and Trump’s take on steamy alleged assassin Luigi Mangione, be sure to sign up for WGTC’s They Said What?! Newsletter.