Lauren ‘my son robs cars’ Boebert just compared Trump’s cabinet to the Avengers, so someone might want to get her a Reality Stone

“I am inevitable,” Thanos boomed, but even with all the Infinity Stones in his gauntlet, he’d surely do a double-take at Lauren “Loose Cannon” Boebert‘s latest intergalactic hot take.

That’s right, folks – the GOP’s resident conspiracy queen has proclaimed Donald Trump’s cadre of controversy magnets as the next Avengers. Trump’s previous assemble already brought us a rogue’s gallery of ridiculousness, like, oh I don’t know, suggesting that perhaps injecting disinfectants into our veins might just cure COVID, or that time Trump incited a mob of MAGA-hatted minions to storm the Capitol like a horde of zombie Oompa Loompas hopped up on Fizzy Lifting Drinks, or the other times Trump administration cozyed up to dictators while alienating allies, engaging in blatant nepotism and corruption, attempting to ban Muslims from entering the country, rolling back environmental protections, and spreading baseless conspiracy theories about everything from voter fraud to windmill cancer.

Another wrinkled crotched Trump term feels like the orange hero is indeed rallying an assembly of “Earth’s Mightiest Zeroes.” When Boebert likens Trump’s team to the Avengers, one must wonder if she’s perhaps thinking of another ensemble altogether — perhaps Thanos’ Black Order. Because, let’s face it, the idea of Pete Hegseth as a hygiene-averse Doctor Strange or Tulsi Gabbard as a less-charming, gaffe-prone smart Tony Stark does little to inspire confidence.

So, are these newly anointed “Avengers” going to save America? Maybe, if we subscribe to the belief that Trump is the bulwark against the Democrats’ alleged baby-eating apocalypse, and his cabinet is the last line of defense against the hordes of interstellar invertebrates threatening our great nation from the briny depths of the deep blue sea. Or perhaps we should take the ravings of Colorado’s most crooked GED-challenged congresswoman with a chunk of salt the size of the Rockies. After all, it took Lauren four white-knuckled attempts to pass high school equivalency — hardly the resume of a reliable reality-reader who clearly seems to have a bit of trouble telling the heroes from the villains.

Each member of this so-called superhero team seems to have been chosen less for their heroic prowess and more for their ability to bend reality faster than a speeding bullet — of, say, misinformation, misogyny, homophobia, racism, xenophobia (hey, the list goes on). We have the Fox & Friends weekend warrior who hasn’t washed his hands in, like, a decade because he believes germs aren’t real. Clearly, the perfect choice to head the Pentagon!

There’s RFK Jr. as Secretary of Health and Human Services who believes that chemicals in the water are turning people gay and wants to remove fluoride from our drinking supply, despite the CDC hailing it as one of the greatest public health achievements. We also have Kristi “Puppy Punisher” Noem as the Secretary of Homeland Security in the upcoming cabinet because nothing screams “safety” like a woman who terrifies both people and pets in her own damn residence.

Of course, we can’t overlook Tulsi “Turncoat” Gabbard, who will be the new Director of National Intelligence. That’s rich, considering she couldn’t even figure out how to delete her tweet calling Trump the b-word. And finally, we have Matt Gaetz as the new Attorney General (seriously?). Because in Trump’s America, being accused of heinous crimes is apparently a badge of honor. If these are America’s Avengers, then God help us all — because we’re going to need a bigger universe to contain this much chaos.

Twitter users were quicker than greased lightning to react to Boebert’s delusional tweet:

In the end, it’s probably a good thing that Trump didn’t tap Boebert for his cabinet cube. Between shuttling to her son’s court dates for his latest car and credit card capers and her own “hands-on” extracurricular activities, she’s got her hands full just being the GOP’s resident agent of chaos.