‘Delusional to think she has a right’: Woman rages when stopped from attending once best friend’s funeral, even though she had destroyed their life

A Reddit user recently took to the AmItheA**hole subreddit to seek advice on a tense situation involving her daughter and the funeral of a former friend. The mother, posting under the username Intrepid_Deal_3534, took to Reddit to explain that her daughter and Kelly, her friend, were close through school and college. Enough that the daughter was a bridesmaid in Kelly’s wedding. However, they grew estranged after her daughter allegedly ruined things in Kelly’s life. 

According to the post, the Redditor claimed that her daughter was heavily influenced by her parents’ history. The mother wrote, “To explain where my daughter’s behavior came from, my ex-husband cheated on me repeatedly, and our marriage ended horribly.” This experience left the daughter with a deep-seated hatred for cheating. She then explained that about seven years ago, her daughter became convinced that Kelly was cheating on her husband. 

The mother alleged that her daughter began harassing Kelly online, an act that effectively destroyed Kelly’s reputation and marriage. The mother stated, “By the time my daughter found out that the man she had seen Kelly with was actually a relative ( they were at a fancy restaurant together) it was too late. Kelly’s marriage had already fallen apart, and because we live in a very religious community, she was ostracized by many people.”

The fallout was permanent

According to the Redditor, Kelly blocked the daughter on everything. She allegedly moved away and harbored deep resentment toward her, a sentiment shared by Kelly’s mother. The original poster mentioned that she still occasionally encounters Kelly’s mother, who remains very clear about her feelings regarding the daughter’s past actions. Now, it is important to note that this is only Intrepid_Deal_3534’s version of the story. It remains unverified. 

She noted that her daughter discovered through Facebook that Kelly had passed away. According to the post, the daughter expressed an immediate desire to attend the funeral. However, the mother claimed she immediately pushed back against the idea. She told her daughter, “I thought it was a terrible idea.” 

When the daughter allegedly insisted that she needed to go, the mother doubled down, telling her again that she shouldn’t. During their argument, the daughter claimed she had every right to mourn her friend and attend the service. The mother responded, “I told her that she really didn’t have the right to mourn Kelly or go to the funeral because Kelly hated her after everything that happened, and because my daughter had destroyed her life.”

The Redditor explained that her daughter has not spoken to her since that confrontation. She told Reddit that she was left wondering if she should intervene by warning Kelly’s family that her daughter might show up, or if she is simply in the wrong for interfering.

Reddit was quick to weigh in, with many users supporting the mother’s stance. One user commented, “NTA but your daughter is f—ing delusional to think she has a right to be there. If she wants to mourn she should do so in private for sure. Behind closed doors. Quietly. And not cause further distress to a family she has already f—ed over once.” 

Another user emphasized the importance of the family’s experience, noting, “Funerals are for the living – ie for Kelly’s family. The fact that OP’s daughter doesn’t realize how much harm to Kelly’s family she’d caused by showing up at the funeral just proves she never learned her lesson after she blew up the friendship.”

Others supported her plan to warn the grieving family. One commenter advised, “NTA. You absolutely should warn the family that she might try and show up. Make it clear that you told her not to but as she is an adult she might just try and do it anyway.” 

Another agreed, sharing a personal anecdote: “There was an unwanted mourner at a funeral I went to recently. It was awkward and made the grieving family extremely upset. A heads up would have been nice.” Recently, a funeral in Mexico devolved into a catfight when a wife realized a mistress had shown up.

A lot of the conversation on Reddit revolved around the daughter’s sense of accountability and empathy. According to Medium, research suggests that holding someone accountable is most effective when it focuses on inspiring change rather than using shame. 

Experts often recommend separating the person from the behavior and using empathetic communication to address harm. Recently, however, a California man decided to hold someone who harassed his girlfriend accountable by telling on him.

Ultimately, Reddit believed the daughter’s presence would be a source of additional pain. As one user said, “NTA, she can get closure privately. Showing up to the funeral only hurts the people that actually cared for Kelly. Your daughter is being selfish.”