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Equinox Gym shuts down resolutioners’ hopes

High end luxury fitness chain Equinox caused headlines with this latest marketing stunt, so congratulations to them!

via Twitter

While many people like to start the new year with a resolution to do better in business and make more money, the high-end “luxury” chain gym Equinox went in another direction for 2023, announcing that they would not allow any new members to join on January 1st as part of their “We Don’t Speak January” sales stunt.

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The ban on new memberships is a response to what would typically be a gym giant’s busiest day, with people who made a promise to themselves that they would get into better physical shape joining fitness clubs in droves. The catch, as GymDesk points out, is that these clubs then lose about 50% of those new members within six months as the reality of what a drag it is to work out on the regular sets in.

On Twitter, pop culture enthusiasts “Pop Crave” quoted Equinox as saying:

“we are for people who constantly push themselves to those extremes, we can’t in good conscience support the ‘new year, new me’ movement that happens every January.”

The Equinox ban is clearly a joke, and so obviously it provoked the kind of even-handed rational response on Twitter that the social media service has become famous for. This long-time Equinox member was personally offended:

While this person made fun of Equinox’s viral marketing stunt while also reading, and responding to, their viral marketing stunt:

And Summer grew cold to the venal Equinox marketing ploy:

Meanwhile Planet Fitness continues to give out free pizza and bagels to their members.