Here’s why men are getting angry over TikTok’s ‘man vs bear’ memes, and why the bears deserve to win

A well-framed question about safety and consent is splitting the web in two, as women make a harsh point via a simple template.

That template is the “man vs bear” trend that’s been popping off on TikTok for weeks, as women ask a very simple — but very loaded — question. Their answer to that question officially made its way off of TikTok and onto other social media sites, but it stirred up confusion in the process. Now, some people think its a question about who could win in a fight, or about which one makes for a better companion in Baldur’s Gate 3. The true purpose behind the query has nothing to do with a stacked Druid or men’s capability against bears, but about the predatory nature of far too many of our peers.

What’s up with the bear memes?

TikTok’s fixation on the “man vs bear” discussion was sparked by a “gotcha” question, but it quickly birthed a vital conversations about the safety of women. It started simple, with a straightforward query: Which would you rather be alone in the woods with, a man or a bear? Women everywhere gave an unexpected answer, and in doing so forced men to reconsider the female experience.

The question of safety extends far beyond something as simplistic as gender norms, of course, and there’s a lot to be said for the difference in aggression toward trans women, queer women, and women of color, but the core of the argument remains: Almost without fail, women will choose the bear.

The reason for why can be found in a half-million separate TikToks, and — as the question spreads to other corners of the web — in the responses to dozens of memes circulating around Reddit, X, and Instagram, where women are gathering to make a horrifying point. We are safer with bears than we often are with men, and that’s genuinely terrifying.

A common response is “at least I know what the bear will do to me.” Bears don’t rape. Bears don’t torture. They don’t lock women in basements and abuse them, or manipulate their fears. They don’t kill humans overly-often either, but if they chose to do so, killing would be the worst of it. A brief terror, pain, and then a swift end. That’s a guarantee from a bear — there are no guarantees where men are concerned.

This exact sentiment then encouraged a backlash to the trend, as sensitive men reacted with personal offense. They heard their own transgressions in the sweeping response to the question, and pushed back. “I would never,” they roared, as a gender. “Women are being ridiculous.”

There were, as there always are, plenty of men with their heads screwed on straight, who stepped into help explain to their masculine peers the point women were trying to make. We’re not accusing you, the kind, healthy, safe men in our lives, of being a predator, we’re highlighting how often predators lurk in the shadows. We’re explaining that, were it a choice between a shadowy unknown and a swift but brutal death, many of us would prefer to go out quick.

The examples that litter this trend paint a truly devastating image of the female experience not just in the U.S., but around the globe. Women have tacked on to do something as simple as list the contents of I Survived storylines — the vast majority of which see women facing danger from a man, even as men face harsh weather, impossible circumstances, and situations of their own making — or detailing any number of true crime stories. They all have one thing in common: They highlight just how often women are kidnapped, abused, raped, and often killed by the men in their lives, and often over something as simple as a rejection.

Its not a fun conversation, so pushback was inevitable, but — for some, at least — its been an eye-opening experience. Men are finding themselves faced with the harsh realities of the female experience, and some are reacting admirably. They’re treating the conversation as an opportunity to inform themselves, and to better understand how they can help in dangerous situations.

Not all of them, unfortunately. The aforementioned sensitive souls simply can’t let women dominate the conversation, so they’ve been flooding whatever toxic online space they prefer with counter-memes, poking fun at women for *checks notes* being cautious. These memes are classic troll fare, but they’re extra infuriating for their presence as a tool to silence women’s complaints. Sure, they’re just images online, but their sole purpose is to discredit the voices of women. And that’s just gross.

There are a few memes that understand the assignment tossed in, but the overwhelming majority seem to have missed the actual point by a mile. They lean on the idea that bears are dangerous, as if women don’t realize that, rather than considering the “why” behind women’s overwhelming decision to choose the bear.

And in doing so, they kind of prove the point. If they’re too dense to understand the issue, they’re once again putting the onus on women. Thankfully, women are well used to it, and — even if they continue to hurt male feelings — they’ll continue to choose the bear, time after time.