Star Wars may not be known for whirlwind romance, but the franchise has certainly given it a stellar go over its 40-year run. From Leia and Han’s on-again-off-again love affair, to Padme and Anakin’s dubious matrimony, there are certainly memorable romantic-ish moments to pull from. But as lazy and terrible as some of the actual writing for those scenes has been, there are plenty of moments outside of them that more than make up for it.
Until now, that is. Unfortunately — or fortunately, depending on your perspective — the folks over on Reddit have come together, scouring the litany of timeless Star Wars quotes to find the perfect contender for least arousing. From personal attacks to outright self-esteem-crushing brutality, it turns out Star Wars really does have a place between the sheets! I’m even tempted to use a few of these myself, but I really don’t think my fiancée would end up nearly as enthusiastic as our first pick.
Look, no one wants to admit they have poor hygiene, but when it comes to those tender moments, cleaning up for those you care about is just common sense. If you aren’t a diligent lover, this one probably applies to you.
Oh jeez, when you look at the almost big-brother-like relationship Han projects towards Luke, this one really works into the business. Outside of Star Wars, no one ever likes to be kicked out-the-bed right after a physical expression of love. We knew Han could be heartless, but this is too much!
You know, there are a lot of moving parts when it comes to the beast with two backs. Surely there are plenty of people who have experienced an… incomplete coupling.
We don’t kink shame here at WGTC, but if the notion of multiple partners is something that tickles your fancy, make sure your partner knows about it before you reach the bedroom. This one’s on you, Ben.
Most people have assigned names for their or their partner’s naughty bits, but hopefully most of us refrain from those really on-the-nose nicknames. But then again, I do appreciate the clarity, and “dumpster” is so mid-2000s.
There are few phrases that could crush someone’s self-esteem like this one. Someone call the burn unit, both halves of this one are gonna need some help.
As we get older, things change. Everyone suffers the ravages of time, so if you ever find yourself willing to pull out all the stops and absolutely wreck your (soon-to-be) paramour, remember that karama is a b*tch.
But honestly, at the end of the day, we all just want to know we’ve done a good job. What better way to absolutely crush someone than to let them know they’ve failed? Worse than that, if you imagine it as James Earl Jones, this one is enough to leave you crumbled in a corner.
