The 10 best ‘Florida Man’ headlines

florida man
Image via Tampa Police Department/NBC News/YouTube USA Today

Every day, there is a Florida Man headline that captivates everyone’s attention because of how crazy it is. There is nothing that has taken place in this huge world quite like what the Florida Man has done. If he’s getting arrested, it’s not just the crime that has everyone baffled but the extra details that let you know it could only have been done by the likes of the Florida Man.

There have been stories of him calling the police because a drug dealer ran off with his money. One time, he called the police to find out if he was reacting the right way to his marijuana. A few years ago, he ate bath salts and tried to eat people on the side of the road. There is always something beyond everyone else’s imagination, but if it’s crazy and way out there, the Florida Man has most likely done it.

Those are just a few of the headlines. Here are some of the craziest Florida Man stories that have made him such an icon.

“Florida Man Trapped in Unlocked Closet For Two Days”

florida man
Image via Dayton Sherriff’s Department

This is actually a Florida couple’s case, but it belongs. John Arwood, 31, and Amber Campbell, 25, were found in a closet on the Daytona State campus. They had spent a few days in the closet after they claim that an unknown assailant chased them to the college, and they were hiding from him in there. They obviously tried to get out during the two days they were in the closet but to no avail. So, they called the police to come and save them. When they located the couple, the police didn’t need a key. The door had been unlocked the entire time. Police found feces on the floor, which is evidence of how much they had suffered. They were charged with trespassing.

“Florida Man Tries to Walk Out of Store With Chainsaw Stuffed Down His Pants”

There is footage of this guy in action. He just shoves the chainsaw down his pants and starts walking off with it. Most of the time, a guy can get away with being so blatant about the crime they are committing. The guy behind the counter notices something out of the corner of his eye. Something is definitely up and he looks like he’s about to get to the bottom of it. Anthony Ballard was eventually caught and charged with grand theft.

“Florida Man Arrested for Calling 911 After His Cat Was Denied Entry into Strip Club”

florida man
Image via Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office/Yelp

Everett Lages was just minding his own business and trying to enter a strip club…with his cat. What could possibly be wrong with that? The bouncers had an issue with it and the owner told him to leave. Lages sat down outside the building and dialed 911. He was told that wasn’t the proper use of the emergency system, so he had no choice but to call them back and complain again. Eventually, Charlotte County Deputies showed up and arrested him. The kitten was also taken into custody and spent the night at Animal Control.

“Florida Man Suspected of Using Private Plane to Draw Giant Radar Penis”

Florida Man
Image via Flightradar24

It appears one bored Florida pilot thought he’d take a private plane up and have a little fun with it. Drawing penises is something most kids do in school and some college kids do at college. There are even some grown men who do it in bathroom stalls throughout their lives for whatever reason. This pilot decided to utilize an aircraft tracking system. Flightradar24 is a website that tracks aircraft flight routes in real-time, and they got a very artistic show one night back in 2015.

“Florida Man Charged with Assault with a Deadly Weapon After Throwing Alligator through Wendy’s Drive-Thru Window”

joshua James
Images via NBC News

Joshua James said his friend worked at Wendy’s and thought he’d pull a funny prank. He found a harmless little alligator and threw it through the drive-thru window where his friend wasn’t even working at the time. No one was hurt in the incident, but James was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, petty theft, and unlawful possession of an alligator. The alligator was caught in the kitchen and returned to a canal not far away.

“Florida Man Charged with Groping Women While Posing as Palm Reader”

Florida Man
Image via YouTube/Fox 35 Orlando

Palm readers are supposed to touch your hands. That’s where the palms normally are, but Zulfikar Jaffer was charged with groping women after offering them a palm reading. The odd story begins in a Walmart parking lot where Jaffer was finding his victims. When they agreed to a palm reading, he would reach up their shirt and start feeling around. Two women came forward who were assaulted at the US 17-92 Walmart, and another came forward who was assaulted at an Aldi not far from there. Jaffer was charged with several counts of battery.

“Florida Man Arrested for Crashing Car into Mall; Says He Was Trying to Time Travel”

Florida Man
Image via Yahoo News

This Florida Man thought he had everything he needed to travel through time if only he could duplicate the way they did it in Back to the Future. Here’s the problem with all that—he was driving a Dodge Charger, not a DeLorean. He didn’t have a Flux Capacitor and time travel isn’t possible yet. No one was hurt in the incident that took out an Advanced Tax Services and Pensacola Caskets of a mall that the driver apparently thought was going to disappear as he careened into it. After his arrest, he was taken for an evaluation, which is probably why his name has yet to be identified.

“Florida Man Torched Girlfriend’s Car and Then Had Sex With Her on a Beach”

Florida Man
Images via First Coast News

This Florida Man is a little vicious, and dating him is something that should be cautioned. David Charles Aiuppy and Kathy Lynn Granone found themselves in a very heated debate. It got so heated that Granone decided to walk away, leaving Aiuppy there with no other option than to set his girlfriend’s vehicle on fire. He then decided to chase her down on the beach, and the two of them gave into their carnal desires in front of everyone who was witnessing that day. The Jacksonville police showed up and arrested her for exposure while they arrested him for exposure and arson.

“Police Say Florida Man with No Arms and No Legs Is Armed and on the Run”

Sean Petrozzino
Photo via CBS News/AP

This story baffled Florida at first, mainly because of the way it was reported. The actual story is far more tragic than the headline. Sean Petrozinno was a quadruple amputee with no arms and legs, so why did the headlines keep saying he was armed and dangerous? The first question in most people’s minds is how he was capable of handling a firearm, but it appears he did. He shot his mother and father and left them for dead as he went on the run. He was finally pulled over in Tennessee, and that’s when he decided to end his own life.

“Florida Man Impersonating a Police Officer Pulls Over Real Cops”

Barry Lee Hastings
Photo via Tampa Police Department

Barry Lee Hastings, Jr. was simply minding his own business one night while wearing a fake police officer uniform and driving around in a black Crown Victoria that looked a lot like a police cruiser. He saw a car that was speeding and decided to stop it to tell it to slow down. He happened to be pulling over an actual police officer, and that’s when his entire scheme came to an abrupt end. When the real officer felt something was suspicious, he asked for credentials, which Hastings didn’t have. He prompted the officer to follow him to the office, giving him a chance to drive away and attempt to evade. He was soon arrested by the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office and charged with impersonating an officer.