It’s been a year since I played in the first season of BBC1’s hit game show The Traitors (and a year since I was ceremoniously banished as part of the world’s worst magic trick). Having covered pretty much every international version since on my podcast, I thought I knew everything there was to know about how season 2 would play out. Turns out, I’m wrong…
1. The Traitors were so close to self-immolating
We’ve seen sets of Traitors implode with paranoia, we’ve even seen Traitors sell others down the river for their own gain, but we’ve never before seen a bunch of Traitors do their darndest to just get caught. Paul and Ash sent themselves into the Dungeon, a reskin of last year’s Trial twist, along with faithfuls Meg and Andrew. One of those four would get murdered in 24 hours. Pretty smart, you’d think, to put themselves up for murder, except that Andrew was saved from that fate by a vote and Meg was in the running to be banished. We were so agonizingly close to a situation where the remaining two dungeoneers, Paul and Ash, would have to murder nobody at all and then just…try to explain that in the morning. You’d love to have seen it.
2. Ash had the chance to do something amazing… and did not
It’s rare to survive a blindside, but that’s what Ash did when she drew 6-6 and then won 7-6 against Brian in episode 3’s Round Table. Fireworks were inevitable in Traitors’ Tower: the nation waited with baited breath for her to haul the other traitors over the coals for their betrayal. But aside from announcing she was thoroughly hacked off, she seemed to take Paul and Harry’s meager excuses and trust them once more, only to have her body predictably thrown under a second, bigger, bus the next day.
3. The Dungeon serves cold porridge
You have to admire the sadism in serving cold, bland porridge to the dungeon-dwellers. I’m sure they weren’t expecting banana slices and dustings of nutmeg, but it’s pretty darned hard to make porridge go cold. That stuff’s like lava for about a week after cooking it: someone’s gone to the effort of freezing breakfast just to piss them off. Even Claudia was a stern prison guard when she addressed them. And the LARP was suitably immersive: the four emerged into the light miserable and vulnerable. And all because of the porridge.
4. The more you claim to be popular, the less popular you become
It’s like Rumplestiltskin: the power of Paul’s popularity wanes when you name it. He strode into the dungeon so confident he’d be hoiked straight back out again, and wielded his popularity like a shillelagh in the Round Table that followed. But when the faithfuls are looking for any reason to suspect someone, being told repeatedly that someone’s cooler than you will just about do it. Jaz, Zack, Anthony and Evie all had his name in their mouths within a day, and he’s still under suspicion now. Surviving next week will be tough.
5. Faithfuls take note: the Guilt-Cry is a pattern now
Harry had to leave the room in tears after voting to banish army-bro Jonny. There’s nothing inherently suspicious about this: I’m sure he did feel awful about it. But there’s a significant pattern here! Wilf had similar moments post-table, and after season 1’s fateful Red Breakfast, both Alyssa and Wilf were inconsolable, despite not being directly involved in The Big Row. Now, plenty of players have a good cry (Hi! It’s me!) but I feel like tears in these particular situations are quite distinct from, say, Aaron’s anxiety tears having been accused. Something to look out for?
6. The best way to honor the city of Bristol is to fire a trebuchet
In what will doubtless be Charlie’s quote of the season, she roared ‘THIS IS FOR BRISTOL!’ before hauling free the release rope for their freshly-built meccano ‘catapult’ (but definitely a trebuchet. Counterweights, friends). I really hope the city of Bristol appreciated this pledge of fealty and decide to erect a statue in her honor to replace Edward Colston.
7. Harry had the chance to do something amazing…and did not
In episode 5, when Jaz confided in Harry about his suspicions over Paul, Harry had a huge choice. Tell Paul (pfft), keep it to himself (ooh!) or suggest they murder him (hey!)
The last two options would have given Harry a bullet in the barrel against his indisputable rival for the hundred grand, and while we’re only halfway through the series you have to feel like Harry needs something to rid himself of Paul’s dominance. He went for the first option to win trust with Paul. Pfft.
But if Harry had convinced the others to murder Jaz for any arbitrary reason, and then spread the true information that Jaz’s dying wish had been to get rid of Paul, Harry would’ve had a real chance at taking the game by the scruff of the neck. It would have been a risk, but worth it for such a huge potential gain.
8. The faithful still don’t know how to analyze a murder
Almost every murder in U.K. Traitors history has targeted one of two types of people: those who’ll never get banished, or those who’re largely un-trace-back-able. Meg, therefore, was a highly odd pick in episode 5, as under-suspicion as she was. So when Paul walked through that door, the faithfuls had, as listeners to the It’s Just A Game Podcast would say, “a visible biscuit”: properly interesting, unusual data that may well mean something. Or not. But…surely it’s worth testing? If Paul’s a traitor, he’d have to murder Meg, a terrible murder choice. So go after Paul, guys. Guys?
9. Diane is a magnificent gazelle
I’ve never seen someone run through a graveyard away from a spotlight with such grace. And I’ve seen a lot of people run through graveyards away from spotlights.
10. Secret Shields have gone away, and the show is poorer for it
In the first three episodes, shields had a far more nuanced role in tasks. Not only did acquiring them require some sabotage, but you had the option to keep them quiet. Nobody did keep them secret, despite the tactical advantage that would bring about. But in the past three missions, while shields were available, no sabotage was necessary and the players literally couldn’t keep it quiet. I want to see what happens when the Traitors don’t know who got the shields, just that they’re in play. It’d be so much more interesting as they try to pick their next murder. We can only hope the show gets back to the original idea of find shield, harm task, hide shield by next week.
11. Harry’s on the redemption train…get on board!
From difficult beginnings, coming across pretty unlikeable in episode one with his lip-licks and big brags, Harry has done a good job of showing his real humanity. His bond with, and ultimate betrayal of, Jonny, was beautiful, even if the edit was focused a little too much on Harry and not quite enough on Jonny. You know what this means, of course. Either Harry, too, is about to go home, or he’s got a one-way ticket to the final. Hop on, friends.
12. Jaz’s destiny is to catch Paul
We finally heard from Jaz in episode 6, specifically about why he was on the show: after discovering his father had led a secret double life, he’s been betrayed in a more fundamental and heartbreaking way than most of us will ever experience. And he won’t let this happen again. If anyone can sniff out a confidence-oozing paternal figure who everyone trusts but really hides a deep, dark secret, it’s our Jaz. And guess what? He won’t let go of this Paul theory. Not only would catching Paul be wonderful telly, it would be the ultimate closing of the circle. Go Jaz!
13. The Traitors crew are clearly understaffed
They’ve got Claudia lighting torches now. What’s next, the owl driving a Land Rover?
14. It’s fortunate the Traitors’ chosen murder weapon is generally a letter
When the episode 6 Round Table started before half past nine on Friday, there were two options: either it was about to get nasty, or they were getting it out of the way for something after. As it happens, we were treated to a repeat of last season’s Murder In Plain Sight twist: the Traitors had to do a bunch of secretive activities: meet outside, find a book, grab the chalice, get someone to drink from it, all before midnight. Weirdly, getting Diane to take the fizzy rosé was the easy part: the Traitors scoured the bookshelf for the Shakespeare tragedies for ages, inviting suspicion. Sadly, none came, but just imagine if it had! We’re left wondering if Diane drunk from the poison-laced mug, but of course she did! Come on, the thing’s already in her hands, with some delicious fizzy wine! Surely the deed is done. Isn’t it?
We’ll find out on Wednesday!
